Trust me, I liked Bond a LOT, and was very hopeful about him. I don't think I articulated the timeline about him very clearly here -- I didn't want to write him off at all, but felt that I had to once I sensed that he was distancing himself (while I stayed hopeful, in the back of my mind).
He pretty much went from "we have a great connection" and "I see something here" ... to radio silence. How else could I react, but to write him off? When you know, you know.
Turns out my gut was right - I got some "closure" this week. Details to come!
I was serious about this guy from the get-go. I got that very rare feeling on the first date that this could be someone really special.
And -- confession time -- I was so excited that I took down my Match profile after our first date. THAT'S how much I was willing to focus on him and only him. Premature? Probably. It's not like I told him I was taking down my profile. If he freaked out about it, I could always say that since I was going out of the country, I felt no need to have it up. Or something like that.
Incidentally, he was the one, on our very first date, who suggested a timeline of one month: if things were still great after that time, he'd love for us to date exclusively and take down our profiles. I said we should simply play things by ear. I know, I know, beware of these rush hour guys -- but sometimes it's hard NOT to get swept up in the moment by this guy who seems crazy about you, n'est-ce pas? Live and learn. Again.
So -- as I've already written, we had a lovely second date, after which he started to pull away. He later wrote that he felt guilty for seeing other women -- I told him that at this early stage, there was no expectation for either of us *not* to date other people. And even though he didn't suggest getting together, I thought I'd put it out there, and asked if he was free Sunday or Monday.
Then - once again -- nothing.
Another week or so went by of total silence, which, of course, speaks volumes. I was annoyed that he couldn't take a second to just email or text back to acknowledge that I had asked him to get together -- but of course, there's the answer. He's just not interested. Someone who is interested will want to know when they're going to see you again.
The friends who knew about the situation from the start -- the near-daily emails and texts -- were surprised to hear that he had just up and disappeared. Not only did this guy want to see where I grew up, and couldn't wait to learn all about me... he stressed how much he values honesty and good communication, blah blah blah. Textbook case, huh?
We've all seen this guy before. The Urban Dater just wrote about this exact topic. It could have been addressed to Bond.
I felt annoyance and disgust welling up in me -- as much as I wanted to just write him off, I was having a hard time. I just needed to get this (and him) out of my system.
So I wrote to him, not expecting a reply - but it felt good just to get it out. I wrote that I "got" it that no answer IS sometimes the answer... but that I respect a guy so much more when he simply tells me that he's not interested. That it was a bit of a surprise to have him go from being very obviously interested, to dead silence.
And -- shocker -- he wrote back a few hours later. He apologized for the lack of communication, and said it was for a few reasons. Work has been particularly busy for him lately (I might as well tell you: he's an airline pilot, though he doesn't have his own regular route -- he has a hell of a schedule at times). He also mentioned that he's "out there" and dating -- I read this as, "I can squeeze other women in my schedule, but not necessarily you".
Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I should still give him a shot -- lots of guys are really busy with work, and are presumably squeezing in other dates when they can. But something just doesn't feel right about this. Maybe if we had started off slow and steady, it might have been different. Maybe my ego is just slightly bruised -- he went from being very obviously into me, to... not so much.
Anyway. I wrote back, telling him that his response was appreciated, and that I wished him the best. If I hear from him in the future? I'll decide at that time what to do. For now, I feel that I have that rare "closure" thing we so often wish for, but rarely get.
Whew! This post is long enough. Next time I'll write about my new OK Cupid profile. I've never been hit on by so many 22-year-olds. I've also received not one, but two offers of a threesome. Thanks, but... no.