Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A little bit giddy.

So -- last night's date. I wrote this about him a few weeks ago:

* I got an email the other day from a new guy on OK Cupid -- well, not so new. I *knew* he looked familiar, but couldn't place him. Let's call him Curly, due to his hair. I searched my dating Word docs from the past five years -- no mention of Curly in recent years. (I only started keeping notes on my dating life in 2005)

I wrote back to him, saying I just KNEW that we'd met before, but couldn't place him. He wrote back -- he'd figured it out -- an old friend of mine is his cousin, and we met while I was out with her one night about ten years ago. He said that we seemed to hit it off at the time, but we never went out again -- I was about to leave the country for a few weeks.


I have a new, improved blog name for him. Rather than Curly, I'd rather call him Jon -- he bears a slight resemblance to Jon Hamm, aka Don Draper. Especially that fabulous smile.

So -- Jon it is.

When "Jon" and I met for our date at a local wine bar, there was an immediate ease. This definitely wasn't my average anonymous online date, and I liked it. He admitted that I'd made quite an impression when we met that last time. We both found ourselves smiling quite a lot.

After drinks, we strolled around the neighborhood for what felt like hours. We smooched. We made plans for later in the week.

He emailed me today -- a very sweet followup. I emailed back. I smiled at my computer as I wrote to him.

And... I'm feeling a bit, well, superstitious, about writing too much about him just yet. I'm cautiously optimistic about him. The best way to describe this? He just feels like he "fits". Again, it's only been ONE date, but you know how it is. Sometimes you get that feeling, sometimes you don't.

It made me realize -- the two recent guys who I've been trying to make fit -- Sparky and Austin -- they just don't. It's only been two dates with Austin -- but I've now been out with Sparky five times, and I think it's time to finally acknowledge that the connection just isn't going to happen.

*******
Tonight I had a drink with Guy Friend, and I told him about my evening with Jon, and mentioned his last name. Crazy coincidence: turns out Guy Friend dated Jon's sister a few years ago -- actually, for a period of a few months. Another kooky example that, for a big city, New York can be a very small town indeed.

Ten years later...

Just got in from a truly fabulous first date -- with a guy I initially met ten years ago.

Details to come...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

NY, I've missed you!

I'm back in NY, and thus, back in DatingLand.

In the past few days:

* I had a fifth date with Sparky. A few weeks ago, I blogged:
I'm still on the fence about him... I like him, but there's something missing. A friend once said: I want someone who can run faster than I can (metaphorically speaking). And I don't think he's that guy.

And... I'm still not sure. I'm not getting the "zing", but I'm also wondering just how important that really is. I've decided that I don't need to decide anything right now -- as long as I continue to enjoy his company and still want to see him again, that's all I need to know.

This made me like him just a little bit more yesterday -- in his profile pics, he was clean shaven in some, and slightly bearded in the others. His current look is bearded, though he said he'll shave it all off about once a year. I mentioned that I was curious about seeing him clean shaven -- so he showed up that way on our last date. I thought that was very thoughtful.

* I had a first date with a dapper older gentleman -- let's call him Dapper Dan. (date #176) Dan and I began emailing while I was out of town -- oh, he was a charmer! He asked to meet up shortly after my return -- we set a date for the night after I got home.

Dan's profile stated that he was 46, but a quick search revealed that he was actually 52 -- generally outside my dating range, but he seemed fun and youthful, and thus worth a drink. As far as lying about his age, I decided that if it went beyond a first date, I'd bring it up.

Dan wanted to plan a special night for us: he picked me up in his expensive sporty car (his self-admitted midlife-crisis purchase), and took me to a pricey steakhouse. He looked very good for his age, and he quickly fessed up the truth about his real age -- and I confessed that I already knew.

We started with cocktails, and quickly moved onto wine. We had oysters, ribeyes, truffled creamed spinach, dessert. We began kissing an hour later. (the restaurant was quite dark, and we were at a back table) We talked quite openly about what we were both looking for. We kissed more in his car after he drove me home.

And the next morning, he emailed that while he'd had a lovely time, he just sensed that this just wasn't the "it" that we were both looking for. I would have been happy to try for a second date, but was fine to leave it at that. There was just *something* amiss that I can't quite put my finger on - maybe the age difference? Eh, at this point, it doesn't matter anyway.

* before I went out of town, I had a date with Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery. Actually, "Austin" doesn't seem all that mysterious so far -- but he was born in Europe, raised in Africa, and has been a New Yorker for the past ten years. So -- he's got the "international" part going. (he also has much better teeth than his film namesake)

I'm having trouble describing Austin -- during the first date, I sensed a sweetness, a certain naïvité -- but I could be way off. We had a brief kiss goodnight. We exchanged a few emails while I was away, and have plans again tomorrow.

Maybe I'm getting that impression of him because he lacks the edge that many native New Yorkers (and / or Americans) seem to possess...? Who knows. I'll get more of a read after our next date. I DO know that he's smart, seems funny and is definitely adorable.

* François, my little French crush. We exchanged a few emails while I was away -- he wrote, we definitely should get together when you're back in town. I suggested Monday or Tuesday. No response. C'est la vie.

He's only in New York for another two weeks or so... so really, who needs a fling with a very sexy... adorable... charming guy... who has ridiculous chemistry with me...? Um...

* Curly -- the guy from OKC who I originally met ten years ago through a friend -- and I have a date set for this week. It'll be nice to have a first date that isn't completely anonymous.

* I'm not considering going out with this guy, though he did make me laugh. From a 26-year-old: After a careful analysis of your profile, I came to a conclusion that you should go for younger men. You might as well -- we never mature anyway. ;)

So. A lot of options at the moment. Not enough time.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Um... come again? (so to speak)

I'm still out of town on business. A few days before I left, I started an email exchange with a new guy on OK Cupid -- let's call him Ron, as in Ron Jeremy.

"Ron's" emails were the usual at first -- some basics about him, questions for me, then wishes for a good trip, and he looked forward to seeing me when I got back.

Then this. WARNING: it's rather X-rated, so if you're at all sensitive to that sort of thing, click away now!

He wrote:

*******

A story for you...to read on the road, I suppose.

let's just say your pictures "inspired" me

...it's that unsure period between consciousness and dreaming, you press your naked backside to my front side. warm flesh nestled so perfectly together, i can hear your heavy breathing and yet my cock is slowly waking..your hand reaches back splitting us apart as you gently grab my swelling cock...your ass presses against me, rubbing, grinding, the rhythm arouses me to full consciousness

my hand drapes over your breasts seeking out your nipples with my expert fingertips...your eyes close as I pinch and tug...your lips part with a long sigh, it's the one thing you ache for, the intoxicating mixture of pleasure and pain pain I give you like a spoiled child, though at times the pain feels unbearable, you hiss and jerk your head grabbing the headboard, whimpering and begging for more

slowly my hand snakes its way to your hipbone and the flesh of your pussy, massaging you gently...you're so consumed with the thought of my fingers pushing inside you

I tease you relentlessly and want you to beg, so you whimper and grab my arm leading to your lust...a finger slides slowly into your wetness and pulls back to your hard clit and I rub until you begin panting and coming

"yesss" drips from my lips when you come hard

"fuck me..."

"fuck me," you plea

my body shifts upward, parts your legs and my cock gently begins to tease you ever so slightly...when I thrust inside you, you shudder at the relief of finally having your pussy properly filled, on my knees I drive into you and hold my place as your legs wrap around me to buck against my throbbing dick...I hit your insides just right, you flood my cock with your juices as they run onto me and soak the sheets beneath us

this all stops when when my seed spills deep inside you and you milk my cock, watching me jerk and moan as your siphon off every last drop

*******

Um -- really? Not only is it hella-cheesy, but dude, don't you at least want to buy me a drink first?

I'm not exactly sure how my pics "inspired" him. There's no nudity, and certainly no milking of cocks, in my pics.

I haven't written back yet. I'm not really interested in dating someone who thinks that this is the way to woo a woman, but I think a good comeback is in order. No pun intended.

Suggestions?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Eyjafjallajökull sucks.

That damn Icelandic volcano is a thorn in my side. I have a flight tomorrow for a work trip, and that ash-hole just might disrupt my plans. Deep breath -- serenity now!

In the meantime, a few quick dating updates:

* I had three lunch dates last week. I've since decided that I hate lunch dates. I just don't like having my work day disrupted like that -- seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway. Two were definite NO's, and one is a strong MAYBE.

* I've now had four dates with Sparky. I'm still on the fence about him... I like him, but there's something missing. A friend once said: I want someone who can run faster than I can (metaphorically speaking). And I don't think he's that guy. Anyway -- I don't need to decide anything right now - will see what it feels like when I'm back in town.

* Sigh! Then there's François...oooh, mon petit amour! Well -- not amour, but I don't know how to say "object of lust" in French. HELLA hot, tres sexy French guy -- we've had two dates so far -- BUT he's only working in NY temporarily, leaving in a few weeks. The kissing chemistry? Ohhh la la. The other day, after date number two, he wrote to me: next time, I will keep you for the night. Oui, s'il vous plaît! Alas, "next time" will have to wait about two weeks, after my trip...

* I got an email the other day from a new guy on OK Cupid -- well, not so new. I *knew* he looked familiar, but couldn't place him. Let's call him Curly, due to his hair. I searched my dating Word docs from the past five years -- no mention of Curly in recent years. (I only started keeping notes on my dating life in 2005)

I wrote back to him, saying I just KNEW that we'd met before, but couldn't place him. He wrote back -- he figured it out -- an old friend of mine is his cousin, and we met while I was out with her one night about ten years ago. He said that we seemed to hit it off at the time, but we never went out again -- I was about to leave the country for a few weeks.

IF my hazy memory is correct, I think I was distracted by a hot young Brazilian guy at the time, and maybe that's why I didn't go out with Curly again. Anyway - we have a nice email rapport now, so we'll see if there's a connection when I'm back in town in a few weeks.

Have a great next-two-weeks -- and wish me luck with this damn volcano!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Adventures in Speed Dating -- the Grand Finale

Sorry to keep you waiting ... it's been a busy week! Get ready for possibly my longest post ever...

In my last installment of Douchebaggery 101, my friend Rita and I discovered that a guy we'd met during speed dating was putting the moves on both of us -- hard. This was one smooth operator. For those who asked: OH yes, it was very clear at the event that he knew we were friends.

FRIDAY:
Once she told me the scoop of how their date went down, we both decided that neither of us wanted anything else to do with him. But we couldn't let him know that just yet -- it was time to play the player.

The morning after his date with Rita, Rico Suave emailed me to see if I was free for coffee that afternoon. I said yes, and also turned on the charm -- I started making suggestions for our upcoming date that weekend, suggesting a walk along the river, or we could even hang out at my place and watch a movie.

And -- well, whattaya know! -- I had to cancel our (supposed) coffee date about an hour beforehand because I had to go into a meeting. Sorry, dude. He said he understood, but was going to be in my area anyway, if I happened to be free before 6 pm. I later wrote back that our time window had closed, but we'd figure something out for Sunday.

I'm not a mean person by nature. I'm a believer (somewhat) in karmic retribution. So even though we knew that this guy was a smarmy liar, I didn't feel that I could go along with the "playing the player" game all that long.

Then Rita sent me the picture. During their date, they were chatting with a woman next to them at the bar, and this stranger asked to take a picture of Rita and Rico with her iPhone (Rita had no idea why the crazy lady wanted to do that, but she rolled with it). The woman then sent it to Rico, who sent it to Rita with a note:

the caption will read - [Rico] with beautiful woman on thursday night !! thanks once again for a lovely evening.

She and I both got a laugh out of that, and I decided the charade could go on a bit longer.

SATURDAY:
But by the next morning, I was ready to just be done with it. I thought about sending a dramatic email along the lines of: "I need to cancel tomorrow. You know why". But thought it better to just be straightforward. I wrote:

Rico,
Just had to let you know -- it was nice meeting you, but I've decided to pursue other options and need to cancel our plans for tomorrow night.

Take care and good luck.
LV


The whole day went by without a response from him. I figured, typical guy, silence is the answer, and was fine with it.

That night, I was on a first date with a new guy (details to come). At one point, I went to the restroom, and had a look at my phone. Within the prior two hours, Rico had sent three texts, left a voice message and sent an email.

Hm, is it inappropriate for me to reprint the email below...? Maybe. But in light of the situation, I think I have a free pass here, so there you go:

Hi
wow I went from your email below..to your last one..so much for doused expectations, I feel like I am missing something the switch was too big. Please let me know if I am wrong?

as i was running out the door to meet my friends tonight i looked at my bb and then read your email about pursuing other options. I felt like the rug was pulled under my feet i got so depressed I cancelled my plans and just came home.

its funny this whole week I was dating and I was thinking all I could think about was I would rather being seeing you - i just couldn't enjoy anyone else as much. don't get me wrong I had a good time but it was you I was looking forward to.

I was actually began to write an email to cancel Thurs date to tell her that i feel uncomfortable because I was interested in you then I stopped thinking that would be foolish. I only met you once, who knows what you really feel and even if we will see each other again, you might do a 360, and tell me you don't want to see me. and wow that's precisely what happened! Perhaps you met someone you liked allot better or an old flame or you heard something about me that probably is not true. I do dislike the not knowing what happened and just guessing.

I really would like to save this situation, can we talk about it, but only if you feel i might add value in your getting to know me as i would certainly like to get to know you. Best wishes. [Rico]


Keep in mind, this guy and I hung out ONCE before. For him to cancel his evening plans because I didn't want to see him again? That says much less about how awesome I am than it does about how unstable he must be. Then again, that could have been a lie as well.

SUNDAY:
The next day I wrote back that I'd try to call or email him later, but I had a busy day and didn't get around to it. He texted me that night that he was feeling really down, because he thought we'd had something. Ugh. I needed to nip this in the bud.

Meanwhile, he'd also texted Rita, asking her to call him, saying it was important. She texted back that she was at a family gathering, and couldn't call at that time.

MONDAY:
Neither of us heard from him the whole day -- whew! -- til finally late that night, Rita got this email from him (please note, typos are HIS, not mine!):

Rita, i feel like i have become persona non gratta with you and [Loverville]. Unfortunately im not sure why and I really would prefer not to guess because left up to my own devices I am thinking of several possibilities. Normally I wont ever ask a woman why she dosnt want to go out with me. It seems once a guy asks he is labeled as a looser or someone who cant handle rejection.

But this time seemed a little too weird for me, I thought both of you had a nice time with me ( although LV perhaps? was more) please tell me if was I so completely off base?. Specifically If you could let me know if I was too disrespectful to you (I thought maybe I was) or there was simply no chemistry? or something completely different ( i have 3 ideas). Youre letting me know would really be so helpful to me for the future. thankfully certain major events have changed in my life this month so i really would so much like to start a committed relationship with someone and I don't want to make the same mistakes again that i must of done with the both of you. So please Rita i really would appreciate your input. Be as blunt as possible - if you think i was a jerk let me know. If you think i lied tell me. If you feel uncomfortable -please don't - you would be helping me. I want to improve my ways otherwise I will be left constantly making the same mistakes as before and getting hurt again. All the best and looking forward to hearing from you. Rico


As Rita added to me:
Um...How can he be so obtuse? The answer is right in front of your face, dude. YOU AND LV!!! He so doesn't get that he's not supposed to aggressively court TWO friends at once! On the same night even, via text and phone!!!


After some discussion, Rita and I decided that we'd let her take the reins and try to open this guy's eyes a bit. She wrote:

Rico, the reason LV and I have remained silent is that we're no longer interested in being in contact. So our worry is that if we explain things to you (or if I do, as proxy), then you will get back in touch with us, try to explain your side of the story, or even just try to apologize. And the truth is that we don't want to hear that. Actions have spoken loudly enough for us.

So if you would like to agree not to contact LV or me again--not even in response to whatever explanation I offer--then I will be willing to explain.

-Rita


He replied:
thank you for responding to my email. I am totally freaked out it sounds so ominous what could I of done to warrant becoming such a complete anathema that you are both worried that I may contact you ? Are you okay? So Let me say in advance I am so terribly sorry if I was physically or verbally abusive to either of you I honestly don't think I was but if am wrong I truly truly apologize. that's the only thing I can imagine would cause such strong negative feelings from anyone. so if you can please be clear about what I did it sounds terrible and as I have no choice I will not justify what I have done? Actions speak louder then words ?



She replied to him:

Rico, you don't need to consider my email ominous. No, there was no abuse, but you did act dishonestly and made some very poor decisions considering what your feelings may have been. Let's start with what you knew the night you met LV and me: We're good friends. Good friends talk, especially about guys. But when I "matched" with you, all I knew was that that night, you met us both-- LV is a more outgoing person, and I am more reserved, and so as far as I knew, you two had a chat. But you knew (and I would learn) that in fact you and LV had been kissing and forming some kind of connection after I left. AND you told her that although you were impressed by her friends, you would select only her as your "Match." I let LV know that you had lied when you said that. You obviously chose me as a match as well.

And then Thursday, on the same night, you're telling LV you'll call her at 10, telling me we'll meet at around 9:30 (although we know it was later--one assumes you were probably on another date!), trying to kiss me goodnight at 2:15, then texting LV a couple dozen minutes later that you can't wait to see her. I mean, come on Rico, that's super tacky! If you were so into LV, you should have never agreed to meet with me--or even asked for my number. But to talk to me about how you hate multiple dating and only want one girl, then to tell LV all your other dates were nothing compared to her, basically, Rico, whatever comes out of your mouth we won't believe.

Did you really think LV would think it's cool that after kissing her you're asking for her friend's number? Or I'd be excited that after you're texting what a nice time you had with me, you're immediately texting LV that you really want to see her? Really, that doesn't come to mind at all? And then add in that you lied to LV directly about matching with her friends? Ew, Rico.

So because we don't trust your words, and because we'd really just rather move on, we hope you'll accept this explanation and move on as well.


(Nicely said, huh? She has a way with words!)

Twenty minutes later, he replied:
Totally deserved. points well taken. it is to my complete loss that I did not end up with LV in a relationship and you Rita as a good friend. I really mean it. Thank you for the a lesson well learned I truly apreciate it. I needed to hear it and took it to heart. I am only responding to thank you both I will not bother you again. Best of luck in finding great guys for great women.


End of story. Whew! We were both relieved to have that book firmly shut. An entire Greek drama over the course of a week!

A part of me feels bad for him -- not bad enough to attempt to date him (nooosireee, Bob!). But I couldn't help but wonder how someone maintains that level of cluelessness about other human beings.

Other dating updates to follow soon. Preview: I've met a hot French guy. Two dates so far. The kissing chemistry is off the charts. The bad news? He's only going to be in NY for a few more weeks -- and I'm going to be out of town for ten days during that time. Argh.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Adventures in Speed Dating, part III

When Rita told me that Rico had asked for her number, my immediate (naive) thought was, she probably told him she's a big Yankee fan, and maybe he is as well, and they're going to talk baseball! Because of COURSE he wouldn't think of macking on my friend... would he?

I wrote back to her:
Of course -- let's just feel it out. True -- you are more reserved, and gave no indication whatsoever that you might have liked him!

... but at that moment I didn't have time to give her all the details. I had a busy day of work, and it wasn't until much later that day that I got around to emailing Rita the details of the post-speeddating drinks and smooching with Rico.

Her bombshell:
I didn't realize until just now that he was kissing you all night, but he DID call a little while ago -- and he asked if I could hang out tonight.

She was due to meet him within the hour.

On one hand -- we did both meet him at speed dating, which pretty much makes anyone fair game. On the other hand: he KNEW she was my friend. And she and I now knew that he had lied to me about not choosing any other women from the event.

By this point, we were both pretty amused that this guy could be so clueless. I encouraged her to still meet him, but to be sure to report the details. Interestingly, just before all this went down, he called me. I was just finishing work, and asked if I could call him back 20 minutes later -- he said he'd be busy from about 8:30 - 10 pm, but he'd love to talk after that time.

I later found out from Rita that she wasn't due to meet him until about 9:30, which meant that he was likely seeing her after his previous date. Classy. (Ok, true, I did that once... guilty as charged!)

Meanwhile, I had decided that I was still going to play along -- I texted him around the time we were due to talk, and said I was still busy with work, but I'd call him within the hour. He texted back that he couldn't believe I was still at work, but he'd love to talk whenever I was free. And yes, he texted this while he was still on the date with Rita.

He later texted me at 2 am: I love the way you make me feel. Seriously. Ew.

Later that night, Rita texted me:
He's a fascinating guy. A troubled guy. And a two-faced guy. He probably believes both faces. I think we can give him a verdict of smarmy. But neither of us would have known that if not for the other. He comes on strong, and seems sincere.


The next day, she gave me the full scoop:

"Well, ten minutes before he texted you at 2 am, he texted me about what a good time he had. And he had tried to kiss me goodnight--three times, while his arms were around my waist. He got a tap kiss, very chaste. But man, trying three times! Let me tell you, he says all the right things. All the right things, that is, if you can trust him. Which one obviously can not. If I were able to trust the things he'd said last night, I'm sure I would have let him kiss me -- but it felt totally wrong for a whole mess of reasons, including you!

First of all, a major topic of his conversation--I shit you not--was how much he hates "multiple dating." How he just wants to date one girl and have that one girl date just him. But of course that's so hard in the city, so he HAS to date multiple women, even though it's not what he wants. Meanwhile, he's telling me I'm perfect. I'd make the perfect companion at all the events he has to go to. He name dropped -- so-and-so is a client, etc. And I was saying all the WRONG things--I was thinking, I don't care, let's see what happens. So I was like--oh, this is not really first date conversation, but one of the reasons I multiple date is that I really want a family and a husband and a kid, and it seems in my best interest not to put all my proverbial eggs in one basket. And he's like, Wow, that's so honest, you're perfect.

And yes, you are exactly right--this is more than a reminder, it's EVIDENCE how careful we must be with the guys who come on strong. This one is off the wall! Man, it's almost a psychological/sociological exercise I'm glad we went through just so we KNOW what can happen! Everything out of his mouth was, oh, I want this to be a good date for you, I'm so glad we did this, I was like an eager puppy when you called me back, etc.

So I don't want to see him again because he's TOTALLY untrustworthy. But I texted him back that I had a nice time too. Like you, I'm just curious to see what happens."



But wait... there's more! To be continued...