Sunday, May 2, 2010

Adventures in Speed Dating, part III

When Rita told me that Rico had asked for her number, my immediate (naive) thought was, she probably told him she's a big Yankee fan, and maybe he is as well, and they're going to talk baseball! Because of COURSE he wouldn't think of macking on my friend... would he?

I wrote back to her:
Of course -- let's just feel it out. True -- you are more reserved, and gave no indication whatsoever that you might have liked him!

... but at that moment I didn't have time to give her all the details. I had a busy day of work, and it wasn't until much later that day that I got around to emailing Rita the details of the post-speeddating drinks and smooching with Rico.

Her bombshell:
I didn't realize until just now that he was kissing you all night, but he DID call a little while ago -- and he asked if I could hang out tonight.

She was due to meet him within the hour.

On one hand -- we did both meet him at speed dating, which pretty much makes anyone fair game. On the other hand: he KNEW she was my friend. And she and I now knew that he had lied to me about not choosing any other women from the event.

By this point, we were both pretty amused that this guy could be so clueless. I encouraged her to still meet him, but to be sure to report the details. Interestingly, just before all this went down, he called me. I was just finishing work, and asked if I could call him back 20 minutes later -- he said he'd be busy from about 8:30 - 10 pm, but he'd love to talk after that time.

I later found out from Rita that she wasn't due to meet him until about 9:30, which meant that he was likely seeing her after his previous date. Classy. (Ok, true, I did that once... guilty as charged!)

Meanwhile, I had decided that I was still going to play along -- I texted him around the time we were due to talk, and said I was still busy with work, but I'd call him within the hour. He texted back that he couldn't believe I was still at work, but he'd love to talk whenever I was free. And yes, he texted this while he was still on the date with Rita.

He later texted me at 2 am: I love the way you make me feel. Seriously. Ew.

Later that night, Rita texted me:
He's a fascinating guy. A troubled guy. And a two-faced guy. He probably believes both faces. I think we can give him a verdict of smarmy. But neither of us would have known that if not for the other. He comes on strong, and seems sincere.

The next day, she gave me the full scoop:

"Well, ten minutes before he texted you at 2 am, he texted me about what a good time he had. And he had tried to kiss me goodnight--three times, while his arms were around my waist. He got a tap kiss, very chaste. But man, trying three times! Let me tell you, he says all the right things. All the right things, that is, if you can trust him. Which one obviously can not. If I were able to trust the things he'd said last night, I'm sure I would have let him kiss me -- but it felt totally wrong for a whole mess of reasons, including you!

First of all, a major topic of his conversation--I shit you not--was how much he hates "multiple dating." How he just wants to date one girl and have that one girl date just him. But of course that's so hard in the city, so he HAS to date multiple women, even though it's not what he wants. Meanwhile, he's telling me I'm perfect. I'd make the perfect companion at all the events he has to go to. He name dropped -- so-and-so is a client, etc. And I was saying all the WRONG things--I was thinking, I don't care, let's see what happens. So I was like--oh, this is not really first date conversation, but one of the reasons I multiple date is that I really want a family and a husband and a kid, and it seems in my best interest not to put all my proverbial eggs in one basket. And he's like, Wow, that's so honest, you're perfect.

And yes, you are exactly right--this is more than a reminder, it's EVIDENCE how careful we must be with the guys who come on strong. This one is off the wall! Man, it's almost a psychological/sociological exercise I'm glad we went through just so we KNOW what can happen! Everything out of his mouth was, oh, I want this to be a good date for you, I'm so glad we did this, I was like an eager puppy when you called me back, etc.

So I don't want to see him again because he's TOTALLY untrustworthy. But I texted him back that I had a nice time too. Like you, I'm just curious to see what happens."

But wait... there's more! To be continued...


d in the 51st state said...

This is quality NYC stuff (of which
I am starved...)

More! Now! ;-)

Anonymous said...

This is a SCREAM!!!


CoatMan said...

That is fascinating, and hilarious if a bit icky at the same time.

But I'm intrigued that "coming on strong" and "saying all the right things" are one and the same - I thought that too keen too early was a big turn-off?

Loverville said...

Well, Coatman -- it CAN be a turnoff, coming from the wrong guy.

But coming from a seemingly wonderful, amazing guy? We tend to WANT to believe these words, but at least in my experience, these guys tend to disappear quite quickly. (see: Bond) It's happened to a number of my friends as well.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

This is pure blogging GOLD! The nerve!

I generally don't believe a guy if he's telling me how wonderful I am on a first date. You don't even know me! I need to hear the rest, Pronto.

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

yeah, i agree with all the others: this is amazing and rich material. and go Rita! -- she writes wisely & well. i'm wondering if, when it's all over for both of you w. this guy, which i trust will be very soon, you will confront him with his -- well, i'm looking for the right word -- dishonesty? unethical behavior? sleaziness? lies? two-timeyness? -- Whatever, i think you & rita should teach him a lesson somehow...but don't put yrselves at risk.

hey i trust your street sense. i'm hanging on for more.

Megs said...

Wow, this guy as balls. Also does he not think girls talk. I think that's what we do best and thank god we do can you imagine if you found this out after you invested more time. Dating 2 friends at once amazing.

Anonymous said...

what's the issue? it was speed dating. He is allowed to do what he wants, he does not owe either of you anything. What does ethics have to do with anything. if you girls are foolish enough to give him the time of day, it is your fault. not his. i see no issues with what he is doing.

Megs said...

Anonymous: I don't think the problem is that he is dating other people. I think that the problem is that his words don't match his actions. He said he wasn't going to match with anyone else. He told her she was amazing. He says he doesn't want to date more then one person. As we can see all was false. If he was honest to begin well we probably wouldn't have this story. I know with my friends we have a don't date the same guy policy. Also it is just shady to date two friends and not think they will find out.

jgo said...

This is a great story LV. Didnt you roll up to this speed dating thing with more than just a few friends? Im guessing he probably lost track of which friends were your and he probably thinks that you are your friend dont know each other. This guy is smooth and knows the game well so Im guessing he just made a mistake of who's who.

Anonymous said...

OMG this is sooo funny. You and Rita should both sleep with him and make him fall in love with you BOTH! Then he'll have to decide! That will show him!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Lifebegins. If a guy is telling me I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him too quickly, it sends up red flags. I know I'm great, but you don't even know me! Plus you haven't met my family... Anyway, I wonder if he DID lose track of who was who and how many more there are out there? Be careful. Lessons Learned from Internet Dating

jo said...

this is crazy. i'm almost glad that the universe never let me speed date (i signed up a few times but it was always cancelled due to a gender imbalance). can't wait to read what else happened.

Dating Trooper said...

Sociopath for sure. Been there done that. But yay for you having such forthright, honest female friends! Not that I'm surprised....

Anonymous said...

This is pure blogging gold. What a creep, though it is good that you have both been able to suss him out together.

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

i have had such a lousy lousy work week so far that there is only One Thing that can make me feel better, and that's your next chapter.

Hurry up already!