Tuesday, August 3, 2010

What does a relationship "look like"?

Evan Mark Katz seems to be a mindreader.

Every so often, I'll find myself mulling over some relationship-related thought, and BAM! An email on the topic shows up in my in-box. It's kind of kooky.

One recent one was titled All You Know Is That You Don't Know Anything. I can't find this on his blog, but the line that hit home for me was:

I questioned the relationship because it wasn't what I thought it was supposed to look like.

(he's referring to the early days of dating the woman who is now his wife)

This was how I'd been feeling about Jon Hamm. While he IS a fabulous guy, as I recently mentioned, a few things gave me pause: He makes less money than I do. He's a much hairier guy than I'm used to dating. When I show up on a date wearing a dress, he's typically in shorts and sneakers. (albeit, it's a neat, "preppy going sailing" kind of look, though he's neither a preppy nor a sailor)

And yet...the more I get to know him, the less these things are an issue. Again, it's too soon to know where this will go, but in the past two-plus months, he has consistently made me laugh, has helped me with home improvements and is always ready to give a foot massage when needed. He's thoughtful and smart and affectionate. The chemistry is fabulous.

And -- I find that I'm thinking about him more and more in between dates. Even missing him a little bit.

AND -- the craziest part of all this? I'm not stressing out about him, as I so often do in the early days of dating. It just feels easy. I never wonder when I'm going to hear from him. I haven't been worrying about how to label this, or wondering when I can call him my "boyfriend".

One more thing, perhaps the most telling -- I have no desire to smooch anyone else. Just tonight, I decided to take my Match profile down (I hadn't logged on in weeks anyway).

This is feeling really good.


Ruby said...

Oh, this is really good! Love it.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I think Hamm may be your 'Harry' to your 'Charlotte' :) That story arc on SATC hit me hard bc isn't it true that we have this idealized image of what our partner will be like? But the one right for us...is just that. Some people grow on us too. Old Git was like that. I'm very happy for you. Relationships SHOULD be easy. Enjoy it!

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

hairy...hmmm...i'm thinking about that...well, i've dated guys who were *less hairy* than those i was used to, and they probably dated women who were taller or blonder than i was...if there's a strong and continuing mutual attraction, these things cease to be important and you get used to one another's bodies. and if there isn't, you don't! -- that's my wisdom, such as it is.

Anonymous said...

Mimi is right!

I remember a good friend saying about her husband (who is quite hairy), "I find it very masculine." If she didn't love him, she would just find it unpleasantly hairy.

I generally agree with Evan Marc. He is a very "tell it like it is" guy.


MARC said...

Don't know how you women put up with guys' hairy chests, arms, knuckles, asses, etc. I know women who even LOVE hairy guys. The more gorilla-like, the better. Guess one woman's Sasquatch is another's Adonis - or John Hamm, in your case.

Anonymous said...

I just hope you really like him and we are not going to hear in a few months....."I really did not like him I just liked the idea of being in a relationship"...or something like that.

Loverville said...

Anon: like any relationship, only time will tell -- isn't that part of getting to know someone?

So far, I definitely do like him for HIM -- not just as a potential boyfriend. We have a LOT of fun together -- here's hoping the good times continue!

Dating said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Tamer said...

After following your blog for a bit, I'm happy to hear how exciting Jon Hamn is for you. You usually don't get what you want, but want what you have. Kudos' to you and hoping to see how things pan out in the future.

healy said...

well relationship is good if both of you love each other. . .though sometimes it a shit but that's we call relationship.