Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Run, don't walk.

Last time, I wrote about the Awesome First Date I'd had the night before.

WELL -- by the third date, I couldn't get away from the guy fast enough.

Date #1: fun, open, communicative guy -- possibly too open (um, considering he's a shrink...??!). Still, it felt really nice to have what was clearly a good connection with someone, along with very good kissing compatibility.

** in between dates 1 and 2: at one point we were texting -- something light and casual, and led to him saying how he was really happy he met me and was excited about getting to know me. I wrote back that this was really nice, but of course, we should take things slowly, and so on. Well -- I must have mentioned later in the convo (still texing, mind you) about taking it slowly, and he suddenly got all, "why do you keep saying that, about moving slowly? Are you afraid I'm going too fast?". I took a step back, and said this wasn't a conversation one should have by text.

Date #2: we talked about that weird text exchange, and he reiterated that he's an open book. I managed to change the conversation. Nice enough night out, but by this time, the red flags had been raised.

Date #3, a few nights later, out to dinner: I'd already seen the previews, but on this night all this guy's insecurities rose up to the surface. He went to take off his sweater, then paused, saying he was worried I might not like the shirt he had on underneath. (?!) When the waiter came for our order, he said, "why don't you give him our order, since I'll probably mispronounce the dishes". And a few other whiney things along those lines.

Oh my -- it was painful. After dinner, I dashed to a taxi, saying I had an early morning the next day. I emailed him two days later, telling him I didn't think we were a match. No reply. Done and done. All that in the span of a week.

A few recent blasts from the past:
* Jacques! We had a five-date fling back in the spring. On a whim, I emailed him recently, and we met for a drink one night last week -- I remembered that I really enjoyed his company, even if it didn't seem to have the makings of a great romance.

Er -- when I say "A" drink, I mean two and a half bottles of wine. Oh yes. We wound up back at my place, and while there was no actual sexytime, we had a grand old time indeed. The next day, my hangover lasted until well into the evening.

He was about to head out of town, but emailed me the next day to say he'd call when he was back in NY.

* Guy #172: we had a lunch date last spring (as in, 2010), but that was just before I met Jon Hamm, which led to an eight-month relationship. His profile recently popped up on Match, and I found myself wondering how we'd left things off. I checked my old notes -- I'd had a nice time with him, but in subsequent emails, I was the one who dropped the ball.

I dropped him a line, and he seemed quite happy to hear from me. We met for a drink a few nights ago -- it was a really nice time, with very easy flowing conversation. He walked me home, and went to kiss me goodnight -- and I discovered that he was a terrible kisser. Oh my -- it was just awful -- I wanted to ask, "WHY is your large open mouth trying to swallow my head like that??!".

After only a minute or so of kissing, he said, "OK, I've got to go, goodnight!", and quickly took off. No mention of "talk soon", or "we should do this again soon". Nothing.

I would have been happy to give it another shot, despite the awkward kissing -- but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to hear from him. Meh, that's fine.

And now - I have three new dates on tap for next week. Probably too much. I'll be sure to complain about that later. But if any of them leads to a successful second, or even third, date -- well, wouldn't that be something?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Richie Rich, Don Corleone, and the Carioca

Once again - I've been lax in writing. One, I had a long, stressful work trip last week. Two, I just had nothing to write about. I was even going to write here the other day that I really had nothing going on in the man department.

Well -- some funny / interesting updates as of this week.

First -- some backtracking. I hinted the last time that there was a hot young Brazilian in the picture. And there was -- for a whole three dates. The Carioca was 29, and was really into me - he'd text me how psyched he was that we'd met, he thought I was fun, smart, beautiful, etc. I enjoyed the attention, but also took it with a grain of salt.

Good thing, because after the third date, he texted the next day that he'd had a great time, and I texted back -- then radio silence. Not a peep from him after that, even after I sent one last note a few days later.

Surprise, surprise, that a hot 20-something Brazilian (living in NY) would be flaky -- you don't say??!

Fast-forward to this week -- a date with a guy I'll call Richie Rich (#203). Seemed a bit nebbishy and socially awkward, but I was still willing to get a second drink and give him a shot. He mentioned that he'd been written up in the Times earlier this month - seems he recently came into some money. About five million dollars' worth. Er, thanks, but you can't buy my interest. After the second drink, I knew there wouldn't be a second date.

Don Corleone: (spitting image). There will not even BE a first date with this one, but I had to share this gem of an email from him:
Cancel whatever you were doing Friday night because your plans just got better.

You'll meet me in midtown - there is nothing more enjoyable than Manhattan this time of year. My friend So-And-So just opened BlahBlah restaurant (website) - a really sexy, upscale and intimate place. We'll meet there for a cocktail at 8:00. I'll get us a cozy table where we can sit close to each other, talk, look at each other, touch (a little - or a lot) and get to know one another.

We'll have a couple of drinks and then walk holding hands uptown to Herald Square and check out all the city has to offer this time of year with the holiday spirit. We'll window shop and then go into one of my favorite stores, Victoria Secret. There we can flirt with all of the sexy lingerie and if you play your cards right I may even buy you a little something :)

We'll end the date by me either escorting you to the subway or driving you home. Either way, we will part with the sexiest, hottest, most romantic kiss we've ever had on a first date, and we won't be able to wait to meet again :)


No. No, we won't. Creepy much?

After all this? An awesome first date last night -- #204. (clarification: NOT with Don Corleone!) Cute, smart, fun, open, good chemistry. Before we said goodnight, we had plans in place for this weekend. I'm smiling now, replaying this in my head. Very much looking forward to seeing him again.

But let's wait another date or two before I write any more about him. Managing expectations, and all that. Plus, I still need to come up with an appropriate blog name for him -- it's so much easier to name the bad dates than it is the good ones!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

86 Mr 99... and Euro Lover

To start: things are over with Agent 99. I didn't want to admit this to myself at the time, but he was just a bit... weird. It became apparent that he didn't have many friends. Other red flags popped up, that I'd rather not mention here. I think I was so excited (at first) that here was a guy who really wanted to be someone's boyfriend, that I allowed myself to overlook the fact that he just wasn't for me.

The always eloquent Dating Trooper perfectly summed it up this way: we're both looking for a guy who is dynamic, smart, and confident. This guy was smart, but not the other two qualities. Onward.

This month, I had a work trip to Some European Country -- when I travel, it's usually with four other colleagues, and we work with a few locals in a given location. I knew that one of the locals happened to be a rather hot 33-year-old guy (one of my guy colleagues even commented on this beforehand... sort of a "hey, LV, look at this one...").

Yes, very cute, but as they say: don't shit where you eat. In nine years of doing this type of work, I'd only ever had two flings on the road, and neither were guys we were working with (one was a guy I had dated in NY when I was 25, and had moved to Miami).

Well -- never say never. On the third night of the trip, after we'd all had dinner, and everyone else had gone back to their rooms, Hot Euro asked if I wanted to get a drink at the hotel bar. Sure. Turns out the bar was closed (really? at midnight on a Sunday? The nerve!) -- so we each grabbed a few beers from our minibars, and met up at the empty terrace outside the bar. It was a gorgeous, crisp night, and I loved being out there under the stars and nearly-full moon.

It's worth mentioning that he's somewhat of a local celebrity in this country, but he really only became famous this year. Still, he was recognized just about everywhere we went, all week. He's especially popular with the ladies.

I'd heard all the guy talk between him and my colleagues in the previous days, and it was clear that Hot Euro has no shortage of women interested in him. Over our minibar beers, we wound up talking for hours -- I even noticed that the moon was setting.

Amongst other talk of work and life in general, it came out that he ended a long-term relationship earlier this year, and admitted that he dates a lot. I'm sure this new-found fame doesn't hurt.

Our chairs eventually moved closer and closer, and he finally went in for the kiss. Lots of kissing, out there for hours. We finally went up to my room, though I warned him beforehand: we absolutely would not be having sex that night. And we didn't.

(in truth: I might have slept with him that night, but I was just starting to get my period. But he didn't have to know that...).

This was a particularly memorable moment: in the morning, with Hot Euro still in my bed, I went downstairs to briefly meet with my colleagues. It just felt so illicit, so sexy, to have this secret: here we were talking work, while this naked man was upstairs in my bed! I went back upstairs and we (snogged? cuddled? fooled around? can't decide on the terminology here), before I told him he HAD to get out, as we had to get ready and get the day moving.

That day, amongst my colleagues - business as usual. I'd told him that I didn't want anyone to know about us, and he was fine with that.

After that, we hooked up about every other night, eventually sleeping together. Oh my -- it was really, really hot sex. A little rough. And there was the added thrill of having this secret tryst. Though there was a night when we only got three hours of sleep, which made the next day very difficult indeed.

By the end of the week, it became clear that Hot Euro was losing interest in our evening trysts. Our last night in town, I texted him, asking if he wanted to meet for a drink. No reply. He later zipped past me and my colleagues in the hotel bar, saying he was heading out to a friend's party. I didn't care so much about him making other plans, but I was annoyed that he didn't have the courtesy to reply to my text and simply say so.

I was fuming. I knew that this was just a fling, and had a clear expiration date -- but just a little courtesy, please. I felt that it would be pointless to talk to him about it, and tried to just let it go.

We flew home the next day, and I found that I was still annoyed. And I was annoyed with myself for not being able to drop this.

So I emailed him. And to my surprise, he emailed back: he apologized, saying he hadn't intended to do anything wrong, and hoped we could meet up again someday -- and added that it had been a really fun week.

That email swept away the dark cloud that had been over my head, and I felt satisfied that I could just go back to remembering the fun times of the week. Case closed. (though I do get no small amount of delight in sharing stories of the week with my friends, and showing them pictures of him!)

Now back home in NY. There's a hot young Brazilian currently in the picture... but I've already rambled enough for one day, will save him for next time. Let's just say that I'm officially a cougar.

*** ps. good news! I've lost even more weight! Now down to 139.4 -- a total loss of 13.4 lbs! At least five more to go... but I'm already feeling extra confident and fabulous!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Agent 99: exclusive by default?

For the past few weeks, I've mostly had a string of first dates that didn't lead to a second -- some of these were seemingly very good dates: good connection, went beyond the polite-one-drink-minimum, wound up with some smooching. But for whatever reason, I never heard from J (#196) again... and despite a telling me "I like you" several times on our first date, and sending many followup texts, the second date just never happened with D (#197). With #198, B, it was clear that there was no mutual attraction, so there wasn't even a mention of getting together again -- that was pretty clear when, as he said goodnight to me, his eyes were already searching for a taxi.

Then there was #199 -- let's call him Agent 99 for now (and yes, I'm aware that part was played by a woman). His profile was very up front about the fact that he's looking for a serious relationship, not a fling. I thought it was pretty bold to lay that out there - and he just sounded smart and interesting (and I liked his pictures as well, naturally).

I wrote to him, and only after I wrote did it occur to me that he looked vaguely familiar. When he wrote back, he recalled that we had exchanged a few emails about a year and a half ago, but apparently, I dropped the ball.

I checked that time period -- that was right around the time I was smitten by Bond, James Bond. And shortly after, began a serious relationship with Jon Hamm.

So, a year and a half after our first email, Agent 99 and I had a first date, which went really well. Then a second. He told me that he was going to take down his profile -- I warned him that we should move slowly. He said that it didn't matter to him if I kept up my profile, but he just preferred to focus on one woman at a time.

We've now had five dates, and while I wouldn't say I'm feeling "giddy", I definitely sense potential here. It's a really good feeling. I get excited when I think about seeing him again (this weekend), and I look forward to learning more about him.

Funny -- in the past few weeks, I continued to exchange emails with a few new guys online -- even had dates planned, but either I had to cancel, or the guy did. It's as if Agent 99 has an "in" with the Dating Gods that's keeping me from going out with anyone else.

So I'm stopping. I'm going to focus just on him, and not meet anyone new. I'm not ready to remove my profile just yet -- let's see where we are after a month or so.

And... as tends to be my pattern, I'm going out of town later next week, and I'll be gone for 10 days. Fingers crossed that he's still around when I get back!

*** ps: Some very good news! I went back on Weight Watchers this summer (after hitting my highest weight ever), and am just down just over ten pounds! (I went from 152.8 to my current 142.4) I have at least another 5-10 to go, but it's a start. I recently hit a plateau, but am trying to bust through that. Any suggestions are most welcome!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

30 second update

A few quick updates:

* Just like Hurricane Irene in NYC, Storm (the guy) came and went without much ado. We saw each other once after the hurricane, then nothing. Which was fine.

* I had an fabulously, unexpectedly sexy Labor Day weekend. Skinny dipping, naked jacuzzi-ing, a fun fling...

* I'm now a few dates in with a new guy who is very clear about wanting a serious relationship. I'm moving much more slowly, but I see some potential there.

* I met the awesome Dating Trooper in real life! She's as fabulous, smart and awesome as she sounds. We had dinner with the wonderful Mimi (who I'd met before, several times, but DT hadn't).

Details to come soon, I promise!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Goodbye Dorian, hello Storm.

Wow, I can't believe I haven't written in over a month! Bad, lazy Loverville.

Part of the delay is because I was on the fence about Dorian, and it just didn't feel right to put it "out there" until I had sorted it out. Long story short -- I ended it with him, just short of two months after our first date.

I ended it for a number of reasons -- simply put, I wasn't feeling the kind of chemistry one *should* feel for someone in the early days of dating. I felt that I was dating him just for the sake of having that companionship with someone -- anyone. That really wasn't fair to him.

Since then, I've been out with two new guys -- both fun first dates. The second date with one of them was last night -- during the hurricane. For that reason, let's call him Storm. (date #195)

Storm and I went out earlier in the week -- a fun, easy date with some smooching towards the end. He texted me yesterday, checking on me in advance of Hurricane Irene, asking if I was evacuating. I wrote that I was staying local, and was planning a small dinner party with some friends - after contemplating it a bit, I thought -- why not invite him? So I did, and he accepted. (he's a ten-minute walk from me).

He came by, and brought an excellent wine -- nicely done. He hit it off with my friends. Most of my friends left on the early side to avoid the worst of the weather, except one -- we'd already made plans for her to spend the night since she lives in a Zone A evacuation zone. Storm stayed on the later side, and by then, the rain was coming down with a vengeance. Normally I wouldn't have a guy spend the night on a second date, but you know -- different rules apply in a hurricane.

Zone A friend crashed early -- I told her to take my bed. Storm and I later slept on my pull-out couch. Some smooching, not much more.

Zone A told me the next day that she felt terrible for "crashing" my date (she's overly polite) -- I thought it was actually a good thing that she was there -- it probably helped to put the brakes on any potential too-soon sexy activity with Storm, even though Zone was in another room, with the door closed.

In general, right now I'm not feeling especially motivated to date these days. I'm pretty busy with other social events. Maybe that's a good thing. I'm not exactly focused on meeting "the one". These days it's more about me -- I've been exercising a lot more lately, and have lost a few pounds. (yay!) If I meet someone amazing, that's great. If not? I still plan to have a good time along the way.



Monday, July 18, 2011

Sophie's Choice.

A week or so ago, I started writing a post in my head -- it would have read something like this:
So -- the two guys are still in the picture -- the Brit and Dorian Gray -- I've had four dates with each. I'm thinking that Dorian and I are a better "fit", but I keep reminding myself that it's too soon to tell.

However, things are starting to get more intimate with Dorian (I've been deliberately moving much more slowly with the Brit). I can't, in good conscience, have sex with two different guys in the same week, so a decision should be made soon-ish. It's pretty telling that as I kissed the Brit on our last date, I found myself thinking of Dorian.



As I wrote the last time -- these things have a way of taking care of themselves.

On my last date with the Brit, over a week ago, he asked what the following week looked like for me -- he said he'd be working late just about every night, but could meet after 9 or so some night. We kissed goodnight outside my door, and when he suggested coming inside, I told him I had an early morning the next day, so maybe another time.

And I haven't heard from him since.

I realized after the fact -- I think I'd been the one to generally make the plans for our four dates together, and I was going to let him take the initiative this time. Since he didn't -- well, there you have it. Easy peasy.

I've since had two more dates with Dorian, and it's going at a nice, chill pace. He's fun, smart, cute, thoughtful. He stays in touch between dates. When I had an upset stomach the last time I saw him, he texted the next day, asking how I was feeling.

I can't say I'm feeling butterflies, but I'm simply... happy. Overall, I'm having a great summer, and he's a welcome part of that. I'm not actively seeking other dates at the moment, but I'm not ready to declare exclusivity either. Just letting it be.

In other news: caught up with a college friend for the first time in about 20 years. Inevitably, the conversation turned to dating -- when I mentioned that I had an anonymous dating blog, she said, "Me too!".

Let me introduce Romantic Comedy Girl! Check in, say hi, buy her a cup of coffee.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Happy summer!

Yowza -- so much can happen in a month!

(except Weight Watchers - I'm the same there, but that's better than gaining weight, which I would have expected after a 10-day trip Down South). Need to get back on that pony.

Where to begin? Maybe with:
* Cousin Oliver (thanks for the name, Brian!). Not my cousin, ew -- but my friend Shmutti's cousin, who was living in Hot Southern City, but was about to move home to the NW for the summer. Shmutti suggested we meet up. We did. It was hot -- very good for the soul.

* then there was Teen Crush. Or not. On that same Southern Trip, he seemed all excited to see me. We had dinner with my colleagues, where he was sweet and charming and flirty towards me. He and I got another drink after we peeled off from the others. And ... he drove me back to my hotel with a brusque "good night!", and a very clear friend-kiss on the cheek. All very confusing. Til the next day, in the sober light of day, I realized that it was better to get the friend-treatment, as opposed to kissing, THEN finding out he only thought of me as a pal. Whatever light switch I had for him in the ON position went firmly OFF.

* then there's The Brit. (date #193) A setup by a work friend. We have fun -- we've had three dates so far. In typical stoic British fashion, I'd have no idea that he was interested in me if it weren't for the passionate kisses we've had at the end of each date. I'm determined to move realllly slowly here -- partially because of...

* Dorian Gray. (date #194) He's ten years my senior, but looks my age (without visible Botox). One date down so far, another planned for tomorrow. Just feels like a great connection there, but I keep reminding myself -- how much can you know after just one date? There's been daily emails (which I forced myself to slow down) – and I feel like that has given me more of a hint of who he is. Of course, I could be wrong. Anyway, I'm just looking forward to seeing him again.

I find myself worrying about liking two guys (who both seem to like me)... til I step outside myself and remind myself: these things tend to take care of themselves. It’s pretty unlikely that I’ll be deeply involved with both of them in six month’s time, so why stress out about it now?

I’m officially in summer vacation mode – I have some time off work, and am going to spend some of that time at a nearby beach – enjoy this gorgeous weather, ya’ll!

Monday, May 30, 2011

WW and The Crush.

Weight Watchers update:
Been (mostly) religiously sticking to it for the past two weeks, and am pleased as (nonfat) punch to announce that I'm down 4.2 lbs! Yes! Started at 150.8, am now 146.6.

Short-term goal is to be below 140 by July 4th - a huge challenge, since I have a ten-day trip down south before then. Just have to keep the mindset going.

Boy updates:
Up to 191 dates now, with a few new ones over the past few weeks. Tell you what -- if any of them lead to a second date, I'll tell you about it at that time. For now, nothing really worth mentioning... except...

Daniel Craig: I was on a work trip last week, and after three days of working with some new people, I found myself crushing on this one guy -- he's a better-looking Daniel Craig. Smart, charming, sexy - but also seems very sweet and very humble. There was some mild flirting, but nothing happened.

But there's an issue, and it's a mighty big one: he typically travels across the globe for work, and when he's home (which is in Florida, harrumph), his time is occupied by his two young children.

So -- while there's really no relationship potential there, there MAY be a chance for a one-night fling (which I'd be 100% open to): even though he's been everywhere from Albania to Zimbabwe, he's never been to New York -- but he has a 12-hour overnight stopover here in two weeks. I've graciously offered to show him around. Can. Not. Wait.

While I'm working on losing this weight for myself first and foremost - this is very, very good incentive. It's been a month since I've had sex (that was with the disappearing Austin Powers), and I'm thinking about it wayyyy too much these days!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Copy and paste.

Every so often, I'll discover that a guy on Match or OK Cupid has written the EXACT same email to me and another friend. I'm just amused by the sheer laziness of this.

Let me know if you've gotten this one -- this guy has sent me this same message... twice. A week or so apart.

I was thinking there aren’t any cute girls on this site, I come across your profile! Care to drop me a line? ps well endowed here! Cheers, D

Well, nice to know in advance that someone is well-endowed. Anyway -- no response from me -- he lives too far away, somewhere in NJ. Delete.

Weight Watchers update: I went to a meeting a few days ago, and weighed in at 150.8. Ouch. For most of my thirties I was about 140, and even then, I felt a bit chubby. For the past few days, I've been doing mostly well on program -- I made the mistake of eating a whole bag of Jelly Bellys at the movies last night -- but I'm writing everything down, and overall eating less / healthier than I'd been recently.

Weigh-in day is Thursday -- will keep you posted! I'm committed to this. I HAVE to do this.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

It's not you, it's me.

It IS me in the sense that I'm (still) at my highest weight ever, and surely that's effecting my self-esteem. Hard to say if my dates sense this -- there was a new guy last week (#186) who wanted a second date (I didn't). Had another first date tonight (#187), where the mutual lack of interest was pretty clear.

Sidenote: to tonight's date -- when the bartender says, "that's $18" -- and you pull out a $10, and wait for me to pay the rest...?? Tacky.

Updates:
* Austin Powers. We went out twice more after I last wrote. During the last date, ie, number 7 or 8, it came up that the next date would be tough to plan due to both of our work schedules. I emailed him about five days later. He emailed back the next morning, saying he was about to get on a plane to the Caribbean for the weekend (!!!), but would touch base when he was back in town.

Really...? A last-minute jaunt to the Caribbean sounds like a romantic tryst to me, doncha think? Needless to say, I never heard from him again. Granted, it didn't seem like we were potentially on a romantic track -- but to go out with someone 7 or so times, and just play the disappearing game? Asshole. Good riddance.

* Teen Crush, who I dated over 3 years ago (more info in last blog post) -- and still carry a torch for -- may be in NY as soon as two weeks from now.

I'm going back to Weight Watchers tomorrow. Certainly not for him, but right now, I'll take whatever incentive I can find.

A few times in the past, I've announced a "lose 10 lbs in 10 weeks" plan here -- and announcing it like that seems to work. So I'm announcing it again. It starts NOW.

Anyone else need to drop a few pounds, and want to join the challenge?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A 2nd date... a 6th date... a first date... and a blast from the past.

Since last time:

* date #2 with James Beard. Still on the fence about him. Kissed for the first time at the end of the date. He asked if I'd like to get together over the weekend - said he'd touch base the next day. Didn't hear from him til Sat, the day of the supposed date. I replied that I couldn't make it, but we'd "figure out something soon". Felt like a mutual brush-off, which was just fine.

* Had another date with Austin Powers, our 6th or so? Nice mellow evening. Seeing him again later this week, making it three weeks since we'll have seen each other. Feeling nice and easy -- there's an attraction there, but no crazy fireworks. And maybe that's OK? Anyway -- I'm enjoying taking it slowly.

* had date #185 -- ie, the 185th new guy I've gone out with since March 2005. First met this guy last summer -- he asked me out then, but I had a boyfriend. As soon as he saw my "single" status on Facebook when Jon Hamm and I broke up, he asked me out again. It took til this week to get together. I had a feeling he might not really be my type -- seemed a bit nebbish-y -- and I was right. Nice guy, but SO not for me.

* Teen Crush. We dated for a few months in late 2007, then he moved 1500 miles away. We occasionally emailed in a friendly, platonic way -- but I've never quite stopped having some kind of lingering feeling for him.

Well -- he's planning spending some of the summer in NY, and said he'd "love love love" to get together. When he and I were dating, I was at least 15 lbs thinner -- huge incentive to go to bed NOW so I can go for that run in the morning...

I told my shrink about him earlier tonight, and she told me: "The way you just smiled about him? I haven't seen you talk about any other guy like that". Sigh!!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Trip slightly delayed.

Semi-good news: my work trip was delayed for a week -- which has both good and bad repercussions. The bad only has to do with work -- and the good involves dating:

This means I'll get to see Austin Powers one more time before I go away. And we'll not see each other for two weeks, rather than three. I'm happy about that.

Had another date with him since I last wrote -- spent the evening in my neighborhood. He saw my apartment for the first time. Another really fun night together. He told me about a difficult work situation he had going on, then texted the next day to tell me it had been sorted out. I like hearing about these details of his life.

When I mentioned that my trip had been postponed, I asked if he was free to get together in the coming week. He was pretty booked up, but said he'd definitely rearrange something so we could see each other again -- then later confirmed a night.

It's feeling fun and easy and warm. I sense that he likes me (and I know I like him) -- but it's not foolishly gushy. Last year, on my second date with Jon Hamm, he told me he was smitten. I told him that I didn't want to hear that at the time, when he barely knew me... wait another six months, when it would really mean something. (six months later, things were starting to go downhill, so...)

Jacques update: or should I say, Jacques who? Not a peep from him since I last saw him a week ago -- and that's perfectly fine. I got the sense that that was just a fun fling, with no boyfriend potential.

There was a first date this week -- #184 -- with let's-call-him-James. As in James Beard -- he's very well-connected in the restaurant industry. And he's about ten years my junior.

James and I first started communicating on Match about a year ago, but it quickly took on a platonic, we-know-some-people-in-common vibe. Then I started dating Jon Hamm, and we lost touch. When I re-checked my dating email after Jon and I broke up, I saw a several months old email from James -- he'd met someone I knew, and thought of me.

I recently wrote back to him, and again, we had some nice banter with no mention of getting together. He mentioned parties and restaurant openings he often went to -- I half-joked, "let me know if you ever need a plus-one". He wrote back: how about next week? And the plan was set.

He chose a rather pricey new restaurant where he knew the chef -- we got the royal treatment: a great table, extra courses sent out, the chef coming out to say hello. The food was excellent, and James was nice enough (and rather cute -- great hair)... but as much as I tried, I couldn't veer the conversation away from the restaurant industry. It was interesting at times, but for all-night conversation? It gets a bit monotonous.

We went for another drink after dinner. During dinner, there seemed to be no chemistry at all. Then over a drink, with our barstools facing each other, there was a bit of leg caressing -- just a little. Rather subtle. Might have been the booze talking. When I mentioned that I needed to call it a night, he hailed a taxi for me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said goodnight.

I was surprised when he emailed the next day that he'd had a great time, and we should try Some New Place we'd talked about for a drink when I was back in town. I'd see him again -- and this time, would try even harder to diversify the conversation.

Funny -- I told a British co-worker about Austin this past week, and mentioned that I had a new date the following night (with James). She asked if I liked Austin -- I said yes. She said that, in England, it was assumed that if you'd had a few dates with someone, it was assumed you weren't dating anyone else.

Ahhh... so, so different here in NY! (and would anyone with British dating experience care to comment / verify that?)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Going away, again.

I've mentioned here before -- I feel lucky that I travel to interesting places for work (even if it's most certainly NOT a vacation). However, there have been a few times when I felt that my work life was thwarting my dating life. More than once, I'd meet a seemingly great guy, only to have to go out of town, and said guy would have disappeared by the time I came home. (yeah, I know, if it was meant to be, he wouldn't have disappeared, and so on).

It's been a month and a half since Jon Hamm and I broke up, and my plan was just to go out and have as much fun as possible. Which I've been doing, very successfully. However... after four dates with Austin Powers, I'm starting to get that tingle of actually liking someone.

And it's making me nervous.

Nervous, because we're about to go through a three-week stint of not being able to see each other -- I'm going away for the first half of April, and as sucky luck would have it, he heads out of town the day I get back, for a week. Sigh.

I've been having a lot of fun with him -- he's smart, funny, thoughtful -- and the chemistry is fabulous. Even before our last date, as we were making plans by phone, he wanted to know what my next week looked like, so we could be sure to get together one last time before I leave town.

So -- we'll see. He thoughtfully planned our last few dates, so I've come up with a fun evening for our next date, later this week. (and -- it'll be his first time seeing my apartment -- major cleanup time).

Then there's Jacques. After he returned from his latest out-of-town trip, we got together this past weekend. Before going out, I gave myself a pep talk - NO sex with him tonight. Do NOT go back to his place, and don't let him come to mine. I'd simply tell him that on the previous date, things had moved too quickly.

I even made sure to wear un-sexy underwear as a reminder to myself.

As always, we had a really good time. We ate wonderful food (how is it that Spanish tapas can be so sexy??), drank fabulous wine, talked to the other people around us in the restaurant. He told me that he was still rather banged up from the ski trip from which he'd just returned, but he was fine to go dancing as planned. We kissed in the taxi en route, and I felt my resolve of a chaste evening begin to dissipate.

However, when we got to the club, he was too achy to dance. After a short while, he said he should call it a night, and needed to go home and ice his aching hip. We shared a taxi, kissed goodnight, and that was that. As I went home alone, I was happy that although I probably would have caved and gone home with him, HE was the one who suggested that we not spend the night together!

I'm having fun with Jacques, but definitely don't feel that same pre-date excitement that I have with Austin. Naturally, it's too soon to tell where this will go, but I can honestly say that I'm very happy with the NOW right now.

Possible distraction this week: dinner at a trendy new place with a 29-year-old who is well-connected in the restaurant industry. Or not. It's been a few days since I've heard from him, so... win-win either way: if I see him, then fabulous dinner with a cute guy. If I don't, then I'll eat something more fitting with my diet. And maybe I'll even work on my taxes and clean my apartment.

Oh! I almost forgot to add: I had a second date with a guy this week -- Mr Cool -- our first date was back in October 2009.

After that really great first date, he went to work in Brazil for nearly a year. I recently saw on Facebook that he was back in NY, and suggested we meet for a drink.

We did. And that spark that was so apparent on our first date? No sign of it this time, for either of us. Nice guy, but I just couldn't remember what the appeal was that time! Funny how that sort of thing can change so drastically.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Today's forecast.

This morning in NYC, we had some seriously heavy sleet (I love waking up to that sound!). Even snow in some parts. Which made me think of these most recent dates in weather-related terms:

The Professor:
He emailed me the day after our date saying he'd had fun -- he'd like to see me next time he's in NY, but didn't say when that would be. It's hard to say if there's potential, but I'd definitely see him again... he said he'd like to move back to NY at some point, so we'll see.

Forecast: foggy.

Austin Powers:
Sent a nice text just to say HI the other day. When he landed in a foreign country today (where he's spending the week for work), he dropped a line to say hello.

Forecast: sunny, I think.

Jacques:
I guess I preemptively wrote him off the other day, in the name of self-preservation. He texted me that night, and before I replied, he emailed the next day. There's been some nice banter. He asked if we were still on for this weekend -- an event he'd invited me to weeks ago.

Forecast: mostly sunny? Could be a warm front moving in.

Smooch:
Past from the past. Smooch and I had 3 dates in 3 months in late 2009 -- we kept in touch now and then, on friendly terms. I contacted him after Jon Hamm and I broke up, and it was nice to hear his familiar voice.

He joined me and a few of my friends on Saturday night, before he and I went off for a drink on our own. I like him as a fun smooching buddy, but really nothing more... I just don't feel it.

Forecast: save for a rainy day.

Beach Boy:
This guy I've been mildly crushing on, but I haven't been able to figure out if I like him, or the fact that he's rather forbidden fruit. (he runs the beach house where I'm spending some time this summer, and it would be just plain awkward if we hooked up, and things didn't work out).

This weekend, we went to visit a mutual friend and her family on Long Island for the day. Said friend asked me: WHY aren't you two dating? You'd be such a great couple!

I admitted that that could be fun, but wasn't sure it was such a great idea. The next day, via email, I suggested that she ask HIM that same question.

The answer came back: he likes me, but just as a friend.

So, that's that! And the fact that I'm perfectly fine with that answer must mean that I was more interested in the forbidden factor than I was in him.

Forecast: just clear. No thunder and lightning -- ie, no excitement -- there!

Overall, I'm feeling pretty sunny at the moment... but I have my umbrella at the ready, should I need it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A lot can happen in a week!

Last time, I mentioned that by our third date, the sexual tension with Jacques was building. We had a plan set for date #4 by the end of our third date, but it had to wait for two weeks, since we were both going to be out of town.

He kept up the fun, flirty emails while we were both away... and in hindsight, I realized they began to taper off towards the end. The planned SexyDate was on a Tuesday -- and I hadn't heard from him since Monday morning. Not exactly the actions of a guy who is excited to see a woman.

I should have just left it alone (as later discussed with my shrink) -- maybe I should have just NOT contacted him, to see if HE'd reach out to me at all. But I'm impatient, and finally emailed him at 4:30 Tuesday afternoon. He emailed back an hour later, and a plan was in place. Still, I was annoyed, and went to his place determined NOT to sleep with him.

Well -- the best laid plans often go astray, don't they? When I went to his place, the fun, interesting / interested guy was back. We chatted over wine on his couch for a good hour. We eventually started kissing. One thing led to another. I have to say - it was one of the hottest, most intense, slightly kinky nights I've ever had with a man.

I stayed over, and the next day, had to dash home to get ready for work. Jacques was leaving town again that day -- another ski trip, for another week. Sweet kiss goodbye. I told him that it had been quite an adventure -- he liked that.

And -- I haven't heard from him since, and I have a feeling he's out of the picture. I was a bit upset about this at first -- but simply need to use this as a learning experience. It WAS a hot night -- and safe. However, would I have changed anything? In this case, maybe not. As I wrote earlier, after months of not-very-inspired sex (or none at all) in my relationship with Jon Hamm, it was exciting to be turned on by someone.

However: the lesson I took away from this - the usual trust-your-gut. If a guy isn't making an effort to see me, and I have to initiate the plan? Fuck him. (ie, in the "forget him" meaning, not the sexual meaning!)

Austin Powers update: funnily enough, I almost didn't expect to hear from HIM after our intense little dalliance last weekend. Pleasant surprise -- he called, and asked about getting together. He could only get together Thursday night -- I already had dinner plans in place with gal pal A -- then he's going out of town for work next week. He asked me to get together the night after his return -- date set.

When Jon Hamm and I broke up, I revisited my separate email address that I only use for potential dates -- and discovered a four-month old email from The Professor. Prof and I had never actually met -- he lives in another city a few hours away, which doesn't help -- but we'd been emailing on and off for about two years.

Turns out he was going to be in NY this weekend. I already had plans for both nights with friends, but knew that on Friday night, my bestie D wouldn't be able to stay out late due to crazy early morning the next day. I asked Prof if he'd like to join us both for a drink, before D went home for the night. (note: date #183)

Who knew that it would be so much fun to have a date with both your best friend and a new guy? It just seemed to add an extra dose of fun and levity, which continued after D left. The freakishly warm evening meant the Prof and I could have a lovely stroll around the neighborhood, stopping to kiss once in a while. He's sweet and smart. Living a few hours away doesn't help, but he wants to move back to NY at some point. So, we'll see.

A few other blasts from the past may make an appearance in the near future -- stay tuned!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Awakening!

After I last wrote, I had another date with Jacques (our third) -- lots more fun and laughs, this time the conversation got quite sexy. Let's just say, I get the impression that he's in touch with his sexuality, and knows how to please a woman. Oh my.

This was two weeks ago, and looking back now, I find myself wondering, HOW is it that we didn't wind up back at my place or his??! Ah yes, now I remember -- I was about to leave on my trip, then HE was going to be out of town, so I didn't want to jump in the sack just before we'd have this two-week gap of not seeing each other. Before the night was over, we had our next date set, for the night after he returned to NY. I found myself very much looking forward to the sexytime. (still a few days away, as of this writing)

As is typical in relationships that are going downhill, towards the end of my time with Jon Hamm, I found myself completely uninterested in sex. To say that I'm experiencing a fabulous Spring Awakening right now is an understatement.

Which might explain the events of this weekend...

While I was out of town, Let's-Call-Him-Austin-Powers (International Man of Mystery) wrote to me. I'm a sucker for an interesting, well-traveled guy, and he certainly fit the bill. After a few emails, a date was in place for Friday, the night after my return.

We had a blast. He was fun, there was chemistry, and we simply hit it off. After the second cocktail in a dark, sultry lounge he told me that he really wanted to kiss me, but wasn't sure he could in public like that. I said, "why not?", which led to hours of kissing in the bar, on the street, in a restaurant. He suggested getting pizza and wine and going back to my place, but I told him, no way - not on a first date.

As we said goodbye (on my corner), he said that he'd love to cook dinner for me -- the next night. He was going to be heading out of town during the week, and really wanted to see me again before then. I told him I had tentative plans, and I'd let him know in the morning... but that if I DID come to his place, that I wanted to take things slowly, and he shouldn't take that as an assumption that we'd be sleeping together. He agreed.

He later texted me that he'd had a wonderful time, and that he had no expectations -- he just wanted to see me, and be able to kiss me without worrying about having other people around.

It turned out -- I was free to see Austin that night, and texted him the next morning. (I couldn't remember if I'd planned a date with someone else for Saturday or Sunday, and it turned out to be Sunday -- more on that shortly).

I'm certainly not a snob, but it's always nice to show up at a guy's place and discover that he has a proper adult apartment -- not one that looks like that of a frat boy. Austin's was lovely -- well-decorated and super-clean. Yes, these things count.

We quickly started on cocktails, and it was one of those one-thing-led-to-another moments -- next thing I knew, my too-tight skirt was on the floor, and we were in his bedroom with a gorgeous downtown view. (***funny story about the skirt coming up!)

When we finally came up for air, he finished cooking dinner for us -- fabulous. I spent the night, and there was more sexytime this morning. He offered to make me breakfast, but I had plans with friends, and had to get going -- as he walked me to the subway, I realized I wasn't quite "feeling the love" -- there wasn't the same urgency to see me again that there had been two nights prior -- we talked about getting together soon, and kissed goodbye.

Tonight: the aforementioned Sunday date with a new guy -- let's call him Vanilla. I guess I'm a bit rusty after having been out of the dating loop for 8 months, but I got a harsh reminder: if someone SEEMS uninteresting by email / phone, trust your gut -- chances are, he'll be like that in person. And he was. And I'd broken one of my other rules: don't meet for dinner on a first date. I couldn't wait for it to be over. He wasn't just boring, he interrupted me constantly. Fail!

*** Funny skirt story from last night: I went "shopping" in my closet for my date with Austin, and was excited to re-discover a hot pencil skirt I'd only worn maybe once, a while ago. Seems I've gained a pound or two since then, and the skirt was on the tight side, but I could still zip it up. It was a mild night, and I decided to wear the skirt with boots, no stockings -- and realized, as I dashed for the subway, that my thighs were rubbing together so much, they were chafing. Ouch! I must have been quite a sight, dashing for the subway, trying to straddle some imaginary horse to keep my thighs separated from each other.

Maybe that's why I got naked with him so quickly -- I just needed to get out of that damn skirt!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Jacques, encore

In the days after the first date with Jacques, we exchanged a few short emails about the plan for the next date. He asked if I’d like to go to a burlesque show. Sure – I’m game to try anything once -- and I appreciated his creativity in planning.

Friday night rolled around – it had been a busy week at work, and I’d been out with friends every single night – by that time, my ideal evening would have involved lounging in front of the TV, catching up on Jersey Shore. But there was no way I’d consider canceling on Jacques on such short notice, so I put on a cute outfit and some red lipstick and headed out.

It turned into a fabulous night – one of those classic THIS-IS-WHY-I-LOVE-NEW-YORK nights. The burlesque show was fun and sexy – I loved that most of the women were on the curvy side. When I mentioned this to Jacques, he said that was typical in traditional burlesque… and that he happened to prefer women who weren’t rail-thin. Score one for me! (though I really, really am planning to lose at least 15 lbs in the near future… more on that another time).

After the show, we hopped in a taxi and went to the restaurant where he’d made a reservation. (He had asked earlier in the week if I liked this particular spot). The little voice inside my head was whoo-hoo-ing with excitement that he’d planned this – he thought of something, and took action. [note: Jon Hamm almost never took initiative like this...]

Great dinner, sexily rustic atmosphere, fabulous wine. It was about midnight when we finished, and I contemplated going home. In lieu of dessert, we decided to hit another bar for one last cocktail. En route to the intended cocktail lounge, we passed a bar with a dance floor that played all 80s music – we just HAD to go in. I hadn’t been to this bar in over ten years, and had fond memories there.

We danced up a storm. I didn’t care that I was becoming a sweaty mess – this was just way too much fun. After an hour or so of this, we found our faces coming closer together, and finally had a very sexy first kiss. This led to lots more snogging, shamelessly standing in the middle of the dance floor … til the music stopped, and we realized we were the last customers in the place, as the bar was closing.

More smooching out on the sidewalk, til Jacques escorted me home in a taxi. A bit more kissing outside my building, til I said I had to call it a night. He did not ask to come in, and I liked him all the more for that.

He texted me the next day, saying he’d had a great time, and hoped we could see each other again before I go out of town for work later this week. A few texts back and forth, increasingly becoming more and more flirty, and plans were put in place.

It’s really refreshing – a year ago at this time, when I was aching for a serious relationship and saw every potential new guy through those kind of tinted glasses, I might have viewed Jacques in that light. Now? Right now, I really just want to have fun, with a fun guy. Or guys, plural. Haven’t sussed out any other potential candidates just yet. In time. Or not.

Work trip coming up this week to an exciting, warm-weather spot… so dating (and related stories) will have to be put on hold til the end of next week. Do stand by!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Date #180: Jacques

A few days after the breakup with Jon Hamm, I logged back onto the dating website, to see what was out there -- but was really in no hurry to start dating again. I saved a few "favorites", but marked them as private. (for those not familiar with the system, you can mark a "favorite" so the recipient gets a note informing them that they've been chosen - kind of a nudge that you're interested, without actually going through the effort of writing a note. I did this with Jon Hamm way back when -- I saw it as simply a way to bookmark a profile, but he took it as a nudge that I wanted him to make the first move.)

Anyway. That has nothing to do with this story, so...

Let's-call-him-Jacques (oui, a Frenchman) wrote to me. I can't recall why, but I wasn't particularly interested, and deleted his email. A week or so later, he wrote again, joking that our scores had risen, and maybe we should see if there was some truth to the science -- he seemed interesting and charming, and after a few email exchanges, we had a date set.

It was my first "first date" in over eight months. It was a strange feeling -- like I was repeating a familiar pattern from long ago. I wasn't nervous -- more like, self-conscious about the fact that I've put on a few pounds of late, and I'm not thrilled with the way I look right now.

Overall, a nice enough date -- lots to talk about, though I found myself getting bored after the second drink (but that may have been just me being tired). He walked me home, kiss on both cheeks, asked if I was free for dinner sometime during the week -- I said I'd let him know.

The next day, I worried that I came across as standoff-ish. I wrote to him suggesting a night to get together later in the week.

Next time: details on how the "kiss on both cheeks" evolved into us being in a room with mostly-naked women, drinking lots of wine, then smooching on an empty dance floor...

Monday, February 14, 2011

I really really really want to kiss this guy.

Went to a fun dinner party with the wonderful, amazing Lucky Girl tonight. Always a great time, these dinner parties. Ridiculously good food, friendly people, wine flowing like oxygen.

And I ran into this guy there -- let's call him Beach Boy, til I come up with a more creative name. I met BB last summer, when I started going to his beach house on occasional weekends. We realized we had lots of friends in common, from random locations -- I worked with his junior high friend, and so on. And from the start, I sensed that there may have been a bit of a connection, and maybe he was a bit flirty... then a friend told me that he just tends to be flirty with lots of women.

Shortly after, I started seeing Jon Hamm, and soon paid no mind to other guys. I also heard that BB had a policy of not dating women in his house -- smart man. Over the winter, I found that that after the summer, he started dating someone from the house -- well, so much for that rule, but whatever. Good for them.

A few weeks ago, I saw BB when we got together so I could give him my payment for the beach house for this summer -- nice to see him, but it was all business. Mostly. As always, he gave me a big, close hug goodbye. Mmm, I like his hugs.

So -- tonight. It was a pleasant surprise to see him at tonight's dinner party. I typically enjoy mingling at these parties, meeting new people, but also was enjoying just talking to *him* for a while. Only a minute or so after we started talking, he mentioned: "I don't know if you heard about me and E" (the woman he'd been dating). I said, "you mean that you're dating, right?". He said: "well, actually, that we broke up". I mentioned that Jon Hamm and I had also broken up.

At the dinner, we sat next to each other. There may have been some brushing of legs against each other. There may have been some sitting closer than was really necessary. I might have fed him some pâté.

Things seemed to cool when we walked to the subway together with Lucky. Back to normal, back to as it "should" be. But the second he left, I just *had* to tell Lucky about this tension, this buildup. I really wanted to kiss this guy. And Lucky said she got the feeling that he wanted to kiss me as well.

Most likely, nothing will happen here. I'm better off NOT having anything happen. If we started fooling around and / or dating, and broke it off by the summer... well, that would be really awkward to constantly see him in his house. And even if we DID date into the summer... well, that could be awkward as well.

It's probably better to just let this flirty tension hang in the air. To just enjoy the way he smiles at me. The big hugs he gives me when we say "hello" and "goodbye". And NOT imagine the excitement of that first kiss...

Oy.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You.

This Village Voice article has been a real eye-opener -- very timely, given my breakup with Jon Hamm.

This part especially:
If you're like me (and I think a lot of us are), you might say you can't stand drama and that all you want is a nice, stable relationship with someone who loves and treats you well, but "nice" and "stable" have hardly the appeal of words like "exciting" or "passionate" or, well, "drama." Our status as single, independent, financially solvent New York City women in the year 2011 has us sitting on a mountain of unprecedented options.

Options: Those are exciting. So we want all the options, bigger and better and faster and shinier, or taller or sexier or stronger or smarter, and yet somehow also different and completely our own. We want the tippy-top of what we can get —- why shouldn't we? And we want to push those boundaries.


I need to think about this more.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The end.

Not "the end" as in happily-ever-after for me and Jon Hamm.

More like -- the end of "us", which brings me back to this blog.

It was my doing. Only now can I admit here (and especially to myself) that I had been having doubts about us for some time. I just can't explain it -- he's (generally) a sweet, wonderful guy, but IT just wasn't there for me. And it didn't feel right to post anything here (or really mention it to anyone for that matter -- that would have made it "real"). Denial much?

My friend Shmuttie Weber hit the nail on the head:
It's so hard, when things don't feel right, to figure out whether it's this-isn't-perfect-but-overall-it's-working or this-just-isn't-right.

That doubt grew quickly over the past few weeks, and once I began to express that to him, things quickly snowballed downhill. Naturally, he was hurt, upset and angry. And when he began to use mean, bitter words towards me, that sealed the deal. This was not someone I wanted to be with for another day.

So I ended it -- yesterday. I sobbed for about ten minutes, then immediately began to feel relief that I had absolutely done the right thing.

I'm in NO hurry to get back "out there". I'm really looking forward to some alone time for a while -- some time for self-reflection -- and even a return to therapy.

So - there we are. Sorry not to have kept up on all YOUR blogs - will be working on that post-haste!