Sunday, February 13, 2011

Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You.

This Village Voice article has been a real eye-opener -- very timely, given my breakup with Jon Hamm.

This part especially:
If you're like me (and I think a lot of us are), you might say you can't stand drama and that all you want is a nice, stable relationship with someone who loves and treats you well, but "nice" and "stable" have hardly the appeal of words like "exciting" or "passionate" or, well, "drama." Our status as single, independent, financially solvent New York City women in the year 2011 has us sitting on a mountain of unprecedented options.

Options: Those are exciting. So we want all the options, bigger and better and faster and shinier, or taller or sexier or stronger or smarter, and yet somehow also different and completely our own. We want the tippy-top of what we can get —- why shouldn't we? And we want to push those boundaries.


I need to think about this more.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi LV! Bummer that you're back here. Too bad it didn't work out.

I couldn't agree less with the VV piece, which was well done despite a false premise. It isn't you. There is nothing wrong with you. The whole pairing-off thing is a crapshoot -- whom you meet and when you meet. I got cats because I knew I would be single forever. And then I met the only guy I wanted to marry who also wanted to marry me. That's all it takes; that's everything it takes.

--PT

Loverville said...

Hi PT! Welcome back! So wait, are you married now??

I honestly think part of it MAY actually be me -- I sometimes wonder if I prefer the initial excitement to an actual relationship. About to start seeing a new therapist to hopefully sort through some of this.

Saying that -- Jon Hamm just wasn't "the one". The fact that I still feel a sense of relief, post-breakup, speaks volumes!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I am married. We met one year ago, just before the huge blizzard. It was a case of love at first sight. We got married in the summer. I still cannot believe it.

Of course, if you do feel relief about Jon Hamm, that means he wasn't right for you. But something happens when you do meet the right one. You just know, y'know?. It's a comfort level thing. There's a kind of familiarity, despite being strangers. It's not a case of "Oh, I've never felt this way before," because in fact I have felt that way before and there are several guys from the past I *could* have married had circumstances been in our favor. So it is necessary, although not sufficient, for circumstances to line up.

Like you, I wondered whether there was something wrong with me -- was I too picky, not giving people a chance, looking for something I would never find, &cet. Then, when I met my husband, all that dissolved in minutes. There was nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you.

--PT