Not "the end" as in happily-ever-after for me and Jon Hamm.
More like -- the end of "us", which brings me back to this blog.
It was my doing. Only now can I admit here (and especially to myself) that I had been having doubts about us for some time. I just can't explain it -- he's (generally) a sweet, wonderful guy, but IT just wasn't there for me. And it didn't feel right to post anything here (or really mention it to anyone for that matter -- that would have made it "real"). Denial much?
My friend Shmuttie Weber hit the nail on the head:
It's so hard, when things don't feel right, to figure out whether it's this-isn't-perfect-but-overall-it's-working or this-just-isn't-right.
That doubt grew quickly over the past few weeks, and once I began to express that to him, things quickly snowballed downhill. Naturally, he was hurt, upset and angry. And when he began to use mean, bitter words towards me, that sealed the deal. This was not someone I wanted to be with for another day.
So I ended it -- yesterday. I sobbed for about ten minutes, then immediately began to feel relief that I had absolutely done the right thing.
I'm in NO hurry to get back "out there". I'm really looking forward to some alone time for a while -- some time for self-reflection -- and even a return to therapy.
So - there we are. Sorry not to have kept up on all YOUR blogs - will be working on that post-haste!