Thursday, February 10, 2011

The end.

Not "the end" as in happily-ever-after for me and Jon Hamm.

More like -- the end of "us", which brings me back to this blog.

It was my doing. Only now can I admit here (and especially to myself) that I had been having doubts about us for some time. I just can't explain it -- he's (generally) a sweet, wonderful guy, but IT just wasn't there for me. And it didn't feel right to post anything here (or really mention it to anyone for that matter -- that would have made it "real"). Denial much?

My friend Shmuttie Weber hit the nail on the head:
It's so hard, when things don't feel right, to figure out whether it's this-isn't-perfect-but-overall-it's-working or this-just-isn't-right.

That doubt grew quickly over the past few weeks, and once I began to express that to him, things quickly snowballed downhill. Naturally, he was hurt, upset and angry. And when he began to use mean, bitter words towards me, that sealed the deal. This was not someone I wanted to be with for another day.

So I ended it -- yesterday. I sobbed for about ten minutes, then immediately began to feel relief that I had absolutely done the right thing.

I'm in NO hurry to get back "out there". I'm really looking forward to some alone time for a while -- some time for self-reflection -- and even a return to therapy.

So - there we are. Sorry not to have kept up on all YOUR blogs - will be working on that post-haste!

4 comments:

Alison Gang said...

Sounds like you made the right call. And although it meant the end of a relationship, it's good to have you "back."
I think I'm coming to NYC in late March. Hope you'll be in town?!!

*Juliette* said...

I was really hoping that he would be the one for you, but I am very happy that you were able to recognize that he wasn't before too long. Nothing is better for the soul than self-reflection and time out to be alone. It sounds like you are in a very good place.

Ruby said...

Your Shmuttie Weber put it so well! It IS hard, but good for you for realizing that Jon Hamm just wasn't the guy for you. (I had big hopes!) Enjoy your You Time.

He Who Laughs Last said...

Girl...I can relate...I just had a breakup last week took, and like you took a hiatus from blogging.

Keep your chin up...I'm told it gets easier!