Sunday, March 27, 2011

Going away, again.

I've mentioned here before -- I feel lucky that I travel to interesting places for work (even if it's most certainly NOT a vacation). However, there have been a few times when I felt that my work life was thwarting my dating life. More than once, I'd meet a seemingly great guy, only to have to go out of town, and said guy would have disappeared by the time I came home. (yeah, I know, if it was meant to be, he wouldn't have disappeared, and so on).

It's been a month and a half since Jon Hamm and I broke up, and my plan was just to go out and have as much fun as possible. Which I've been doing, very successfully. However... after four dates with Austin Powers, I'm starting to get that tingle of actually liking someone.

And it's making me nervous.

Nervous, because we're about to go through a three-week stint of not being able to see each other -- I'm going away for the first half of April, and as sucky luck would have it, he heads out of town the day I get back, for a week. Sigh.

I've been having a lot of fun with him -- he's smart, funny, thoughtful -- and the chemistry is fabulous. Even before our last date, as we were making plans by phone, he wanted to know what my next week looked like, so we could be sure to get together one last time before I leave town.

So -- we'll see. He thoughtfully planned our last few dates, so I've come up with a fun evening for our next date, later this week. (and -- it'll be his first time seeing my apartment -- major cleanup time).

Then there's Jacques. After he returned from his latest out-of-town trip, we got together this past weekend. Before going out, I gave myself a pep talk - NO sex with him tonight. Do NOT go back to his place, and don't let him come to mine. I'd simply tell him that on the previous date, things had moved too quickly.

I even made sure to wear un-sexy underwear as a reminder to myself.

As always, we had a really good time. We ate wonderful food (how is it that Spanish tapas can be so sexy??), drank fabulous wine, talked to the other people around us in the restaurant. He told me that he was still rather banged up from the ski trip from which he'd just returned, but he was fine to go dancing as planned. We kissed in the taxi en route, and I felt my resolve of a chaste evening begin to dissipate.

However, when we got to the club, he was too achy to dance. After a short while, he said he should call it a night, and needed to go home and ice his aching hip. We shared a taxi, kissed goodnight, and that was that. As I went home alone, I was happy that although I probably would have caved and gone home with him, HE was the one who suggested that we not spend the night together!

I'm having fun with Jacques, but definitely don't feel that same pre-date excitement that I have with Austin. Naturally, it's too soon to tell where this will go, but I can honestly say that I'm very happy with the NOW right now.

Possible distraction this week: dinner at a trendy new place with a 29-year-old who is well-connected in the restaurant industry. Or not. It's been a few days since I've heard from him, so... win-win either way: if I see him, then fabulous dinner with a cute guy. If I don't, then I'll eat something more fitting with my diet. And maybe I'll even work on my taxes and clean my apartment.

Oh! I almost forgot to add: I had a second date with a guy this week -- Mr Cool -- our first date was back in October 2009.

After that really great first date, he went to work in Brazil for nearly a year. I recently saw on Facebook that he was back in NY, and suggested we meet for a drink.

We did. And that spark that was so apparent on our first date? No sign of it this time, for either of us. Nice guy, but I just couldn't remember what the appeal was that time! Funny how that sort of thing can change so drastically.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Today's forecast.

This morning in NYC, we had some seriously heavy sleet (I love waking up to that sound!). Even snow in some parts. Which made me think of these most recent dates in weather-related terms:

The Professor:
He emailed me the day after our date saying he'd had fun -- he'd like to see me next time he's in NY, but didn't say when that would be. It's hard to say if there's potential, but I'd definitely see him again... he said he'd like to move back to NY at some point, so we'll see.

Forecast: foggy.

Austin Powers:
Sent a nice text just to say HI the other day. When he landed in a foreign country today (where he's spending the week for work), he dropped a line to say hello.

Forecast: sunny, I think.

Jacques:
I guess I preemptively wrote him off the other day, in the name of self-preservation. He texted me that night, and before I replied, he emailed the next day. There's been some nice banter. He asked if we were still on for this weekend -- an event he'd invited me to weeks ago.

Forecast: mostly sunny? Could be a warm front moving in.

Smooch:
Past from the past. Smooch and I had 3 dates in 3 months in late 2009 -- we kept in touch now and then, on friendly terms. I contacted him after Jon Hamm and I broke up, and it was nice to hear his familiar voice.

He joined me and a few of my friends on Saturday night, before he and I went off for a drink on our own. I like him as a fun smooching buddy, but really nothing more... I just don't feel it.

Forecast: save for a rainy day.

Beach Boy:
This guy I've been mildly crushing on, but I haven't been able to figure out if I like him, or the fact that he's rather forbidden fruit. (he runs the beach house where I'm spending some time this summer, and it would be just plain awkward if we hooked up, and things didn't work out).

This weekend, we went to visit a mutual friend and her family on Long Island for the day. Said friend asked me: WHY aren't you two dating? You'd be such a great couple!

I admitted that that could be fun, but wasn't sure it was such a great idea. The next day, via email, I suggested that she ask HIM that same question.

The answer came back: he likes me, but just as a friend.

So, that's that! And the fact that I'm perfectly fine with that answer must mean that I was more interested in the forbidden factor than I was in him.

Forecast: just clear. No thunder and lightning -- ie, no excitement -- there!

Overall, I'm feeling pretty sunny at the moment... but I have my umbrella at the ready, should I need it.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A lot can happen in a week!

Last time, I mentioned that by our third date, the sexual tension with Jacques was building. We had a plan set for date #4 by the end of our third date, but it had to wait for two weeks, since we were both going to be out of town.

He kept up the fun, flirty emails while we were both away... and in hindsight, I realized they began to taper off towards the end. The planned SexyDate was on a Tuesday -- and I hadn't heard from him since Monday morning. Not exactly the actions of a guy who is excited to see a woman.

I should have just left it alone (as later discussed with my shrink) -- maybe I should have just NOT contacted him, to see if HE'd reach out to me at all. But I'm impatient, and finally emailed him at 4:30 Tuesday afternoon. He emailed back an hour later, and a plan was in place. Still, I was annoyed, and went to his place determined NOT to sleep with him.

Well -- the best laid plans often go astray, don't they? When I went to his place, the fun, interesting / interested guy was back. We chatted over wine on his couch for a good hour. We eventually started kissing. One thing led to another. I have to say - it was one of the hottest, most intense, slightly kinky nights I've ever had with a man.

I stayed over, and the next day, had to dash home to get ready for work. Jacques was leaving town again that day -- another ski trip, for another week. Sweet kiss goodbye. I told him that it had been quite an adventure -- he liked that.

And -- I haven't heard from him since, and I have a feeling he's out of the picture. I was a bit upset about this at first -- but simply need to use this as a learning experience. It WAS a hot night -- and safe. However, would I have changed anything? In this case, maybe not. As I wrote earlier, after months of not-very-inspired sex (or none at all) in my relationship with Jon Hamm, it was exciting to be turned on by someone.

However: the lesson I took away from this - the usual trust-your-gut. If a guy isn't making an effort to see me, and I have to initiate the plan? Fuck him. (ie, in the "forget him" meaning, not the sexual meaning!)

Austin Powers update: funnily enough, I almost didn't expect to hear from HIM after our intense little dalliance last weekend. Pleasant surprise -- he called, and asked about getting together. He could only get together Thursday night -- I already had dinner plans in place with gal pal A -- then he's going out of town for work next week. He asked me to get together the night after his return -- date set.

When Jon Hamm and I broke up, I revisited my separate email address that I only use for potential dates -- and discovered a four-month old email from The Professor. Prof and I had never actually met -- he lives in another city a few hours away, which doesn't help -- but we'd been emailing on and off for about two years.

Turns out he was going to be in NY this weekend. I already had plans for both nights with friends, but knew that on Friday night, my bestie D wouldn't be able to stay out late due to crazy early morning the next day. I asked Prof if he'd like to join us both for a drink, before D went home for the night. (note: date #183)

Who knew that it would be so much fun to have a date with both your best friend and a new guy? It just seemed to add an extra dose of fun and levity, which continued after D left. The freakishly warm evening meant the Prof and I could have a lovely stroll around the neighborhood, stopping to kiss once in a while. He's sweet and smart. Living a few hours away doesn't help, but he wants to move back to NY at some point. So, we'll see.

A few other blasts from the past may make an appearance in the near future -- stay tuned!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Awakening!

After I last wrote, I had another date with Jacques (our third) -- lots more fun and laughs, this time the conversation got quite sexy. Let's just say, I get the impression that he's in touch with his sexuality, and knows how to please a woman. Oh my.

This was two weeks ago, and looking back now, I find myself wondering, HOW is it that we didn't wind up back at my place or his??! Ah yes, now I remember -- I was about to leave on my trip, then HE was going to be out of town, so I didn't want to jump in the sack just before we'd have this two-week gap of not seeing each other. Before the night was over, we had our next date set, for the night after he returned to NY. I found myself very much looking forward to the sexytime. (still a few days away, as of this writing)

As is typical in relationships that are going downhill, towards the end of my time with Jon Hamm, I found myself completely uninterested in sex. To say that I'm experiencing a fabulous Spring Awakening right now is an understatement.

Which might explain the events of this weekend...

While I was out of town, Let's-Call-Him-Austin-Powers (International Man of Mystery) wrote to me. I'm a sucker for an interesting, well-traveled guy, and he certainly fit the bill. After a few emails, a date was in place for Friday, the night after my return.

We had a blast. He was fun, there was chemistry, and we simply hit it off. After the second cocktail in a dark, sultry lounge he told me that he really wanted to kiss me, but wasn't sure he could in public like that. I said, "why not?", which led to hours of kissing in the bar, on the street, in a restaurant. He suggested getting pizza and wine and going back to my place, but I told him, no way - not on a first date.

As we said goodbye (on my corner), he said that he'd love to cook dinner for me -- the next night. He was going to be heading out of town during the week, and really wanted to see me again before then. I told him I had tentative plans, and I'd let him know in the morning... but that if I DID come to his place, that I wanted to take things slowly, and he shouldn't take that as an assumption that we'd be sleeping together. He agreed.

He later texted me that he'd had a wonderful time, and that he had no expectations -- he just wanted to see me, and be able to kiss me without worrying about having other people around.

It turned out -- I was free to see Austin that night, and texted him the next morning. (I couldn't remember if I'd planned a date with someone else for Saturday or Sunday, and it turned out to be Sunday -- more on that shortly).

I'm certainly not a snob, but it's always nice to show up at a guy's place and discover that he has a proper adult apartment -- not one that looks like that of a frat boy. Austin's was lovely -- well-decorated and super-clean. Yes, these things count.

We quickly started on cocktails, and it was one of those one-thing-led-to-another moments -- next thing I knew, my too-tight skirt was on the floor, and we were in his bedroom with a gorgeous downtown view. (***funny story about the skirt coming up!)

When we finally came up for air, he finished cooking dinner for us -- fabulous. I spent the night, and there was more sexytime this morning. He offered to make me breakfast, but I had plans with friends, and had to get going -- as he walked me to the subway, I realized I wasn't quite "feeling the love" -- there wasn't the same urgency to see me again that there had been two nights prior -- we talked about getting together soon, and kissed goodbye.

Tonight: the aforementioned Sunday date with a new guy -- let's call him Vanilla. I guess I'm a bit rusty after having been out of the dating loop for 8 months, but I got a harsh reminder: if someone SEEMS uninteresting by email / phone, trust your gut -- chances are, he'll be like that in person. And he was. And I'd broken one of my other rules: don't meet for dinner on a first date. I couldn't wait for it to be over. He wasn't just boring, he interrupted me constantly. Fail!

*** Funny skirt story from last night: I went "shopping" in my closet for my date with Austin, and was excited to re-discover a hot pencil skirt I'd only worn maybe once, a while ago. Seems I've gained a pound or two since then, and the skirt was on the tight side, but I could still zip it up. It was a mild night, and I decided to wear the skirt with boots, no stockings -- and realized, as I dashed for the subway, that my thighs were rubbing together so much, they were chafing. Ouch! I must have been quite a sight, dashing for the subway, trying to straddle some imaginary horse to keep my thighs separated from each other.

Maybe that's why I got naked with him so quickly -- I just needed to get out of that damn skirt!