Saturday, April 2, 2011

Trip slightly delayed.

Semi-good news: my work trip was delayed for a week -- which has both good and bad repercussions. The bad only has to do with work -- and the good involves dating:

This means I'll get to see Austin Powers one more time before I go away. And we'll not see each other for two weeks, rather than three. I'm happy about that.

Had another date with him since I last wrote -- spent the evening in my neighborhood. He saw my apartment for the first time. Another really fun night together. He told me about a difficult work situation he had going on, then texted the next day to tell me it had been sorted out. I like hearing about these details of his life.

When I mentioned that my trip had been postponed, I asked if he was free to get together in the coming week. He was pretty booked up, but said he'd definitely rearrange something so we could see each other again -- then later confirmed a night.

It's feeling fun and easy and warm. I sense that he likes me (and I know I like him) -- but it's not foolishly gushy. Last year, on my second date with Jon Hamm, he told me he was smitten. I told him that I didn't want to hear that at the time, when he barely knew me... wait another six months, when it would really mean something. (six months later, things were starting to go downhill, so...)

Jacques update: or should I say, Jacques who? Not a peep from him since I last saw him a week ago -- and that's perfectly fine. I got the sense that that was just a fun fling, with no boyfriend potential.

There was a first date this week -- #184 -- with let's-call-him-James. As in James Beard -- he's very well-connected in the restaurant industry. And he's about ten years my junior.

James and I first started communicating on Match about a year ago, but it quickly took on a platonic, we-know-some-people-in-common vibe. Then I started dating Jon Hamm, and we lost touch. When I re-checked my dating email after Jon and I broke up, I saw a several months old email from James -- he'd met someone I knew, and thought of me.

I recently wrote back to him, and again, we had some nice banter with no mention of getting together. He mentioned parties and restaurant openings he often went to -- I half-joked, "let me know if you ever need a plus-one". He wrote back: how about next week? And the plan was set.

He chose a rather pricey new restaurant where he knew the chef -- we got the royal treatment: a great table, extra courses sent out, the chef coming out to say hello. The food was excellent, and James was nice enough (and rather cute -- great hair)... but as much as I tried, I couldn't veer the conversation away from the restaurant industry. It was interesting at times, but for all-night conversation? It gets a bit monotonous.

We went for another drink after dinner. During dinner, there seemed to be no chemistry at all. Then over a drink, with our barstools facing each other, there was a bit of leg caressing -- just a little. Rather subtle. Might have been the booze talking. When I mentioned that I needed to call it a night, he hailed a taxi for me, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said goodnight.

I was surprised when he emailed the next day that he'd had a great time, and we should try Some New Place we'd talked about for a drink when I was back in town. I'd see him again -- and this time, would try even harder to diversify the conversation.

Funny -- I told a British co-worker about Austin this past week, and mentioned that I had a new date the following night (with James). She asked if I liked Austin -- I said yes. She said that, in England, it was assumed that if you'd had a few dates with someone, it was assumed you weren't dating anyone else.

Ahhh... so, so different here in NY! (and would anyone with British dating experience care to comment / verify that?)

5 comments:

Neha said...

I'm glad (for your personal life, not work) that your trip got pushed back a week!

I'm not British, but live in London with my British partner and can definitely confirm that people here assume you're not dating someone else if you've been on a few dates with them. My partner and I ran into the same issues when we first started dating. He thought it was strange when I brought up dating exclusively some time after we met since he had just assumed that I wasn't seeing anyone else!

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

I think in the age of internet dating, you can't assume exclusivity in any country any more! I had a similar conversation with a co-worker from Greece when I mentioned just agreeing to be exclusive after a month of dating. She said it would have been implied in Greece. Oh, dating!

p.s. I like how you talk about Austin Powers. Go for him ;)

theperpetualspiral said...

Over hear, yes you'd generally assume that you weren't seeing someone else at that stage.

If I were in that position, then I'd certainly be a bit miffed!

Getagirl said...

Hi there! It's really different in every country. Here in my country, we can still go out with others as long as we are not dating exclusively or in a committed relationship. I think there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that the British are used to that norm. :)

DV in the 51st State said...

Hallo! I thought you had stopped posting, but it just turns out my RSS feed stopped updating me on your adventures. So, three months of LV to catch up on! Marvellous. Haven't read it all yet, just want to say 'hallo' and 'how on earth are you?' and comment on the exclusivity thing...

...which is to say that I got into a wee spot of bother when I moved back here from NY and started internet dating again. I was still playing by NY rules, and they DEFINITELY don't fly here in small city outside London, especially if you have slept with someone. I had assumed that the UK had evolved and matured in my 12 year absence, but apparently not. Not in that respect, anyway...