Saturday, October 22, 2011

86 Mr 99... and Euro Lover

To start: things are over with Agent 99. I didn't want to admit this to myself at the time, but he was just a bit... weird. It became apparent that he didn't have many friends. Other red flags popped up, that I'd rather not mention here. I think I was so excited (at first) that here was a guy who really wanted to be someone's boyfriend, that I allowed myself to overlook the fact that he just wasn't for me.

The always eloquent Dating Trooper perfectly summed it up this way: we're both looking for a guy who is dynamic, smart, and confident. This guy was smart, but not the other two qualities. Onward.

This month, I had a work trip to Some European Country -- when I travel, it's usually with four other colleagues, and we work with a few locals in a given location. I knew that one of the locals happened to be a rather hot 33-year-old guy (one of my guy colleagues even commented on this beforehand... sort of a "hey, LV, look at this one...").

Yes, very cute, but as they say: don't shit where you eat. In nine years of doing this type of work, I'd only ever had two flings on the road, and neither were guys we were working with (one was a guy I had dated in NY when I was 25, and had moved to Miami).

Well -- never say never. On the third night of the trip, after we'd all had dinner, and everyone else had gone back to their rooms, Hot Euro asked if I wanted to get a drink at the hotel bar. Sure. Turns out the bar was closed (really? at midnight on a Sunday? The nerve!) -- so we each grabbed a few beers from our minibars, and met up at the empty terrace outside the bar. It was a gorgeous, crisp night, and I loved being out there under the stars and nearly-full moon.

It's worth mentioning that he's somewhat of a local celebrity in this country, but he really only became famous this year. Still, he was recognized just about everywhere we went, all week. He's especially popular with the ladies.

I'd heard all the guy talk between him and my colleagues in the previous days, and it was clear that Hot Euro has no shortage of women interested in him. Over our minibar beers, we wound up talking for hours -- I even noticed that the moon was setting.

Amongst other talk of work and life in general, it came out that he ended a long-term relationship earlier this year, and admitted that he dates a lot. I'm sure this new-found fame doesn't hurt.

Our chairs eventually moved closer and closer, and he finally went in for the kiss. Lots of kissing, out there for hours. We finally went up to my room, though I warned him beforehand: we absolutely would not be having sex that night. And we didn't.

(in truth: I might have slept with him that night, but I was just starting to get my period. But he didn't have to know that...).

This was a particularly memorable moment: in the morning, with Hot Euro still in my bed, I went downstairs to briefly meet with my colleagues. It just felt so illicit, so sexy, to have this secret: here we were talking work, while this naked man was upstairs in my bed! I went back upstairs and we (snogged? cuddled? fooled around? can't decide on the terminology here), before I told him he HAD to get out, as we had to get ready and get the day moving.

That day, amongst my colleagues - business as usual. I'd told him that I didn't want anyone to know about us, and he was fine with that.

After that, we hooked up about every other night, eventually sleeping together. Oh my -- it was really, really hot sex. A little rough. And there was the added thrill of having this secret tryst. Though there was a night when we only got three hours of sleep, which made the next day very difficult indeed.

By the end of the week, it became clear that Hot Euro was losing interest in our evening trysts. Our last night in town, I texted him, asking if he wanted to meet for a drink. No reply. He later zipped past me and my colleagues in the hotel bar, saying he was heading out to a friend's party. I didn't care so much about him making other plans, but I was annoyed that he didn't have the courtesy to reply to my text and simply say so.

I was fuming. I knew that this was just a fling, and had a clear expiration date -- but just a little courtesy, please. I felt that it would be pointless to talk to him about it, and tried to just let it go.

We flew home the next day, and I found that I was still annoyed. And I was annoyed with myself for not being able to drop this.

So I emailed him. And to my surprise, he emailed back: he apologized, saying he hadn't intended to do anything wrong, and hoped we could meet up again someday -- and added that it had been a really fun week.

That email swept away the dark cloud that had been over my head, and I felt satisfied that I could just go back to remembering the fun times of the week. Case closed. (though I do get no small amount of delight in sharing stories of the week with my friends, and showing them pictures of him!)

Now back home in NY. There's a hot young Brazilian currently in the picture... but I've already rambled enough for one day, will save him for next time. Let's just say that I'm officially a cougar.

*** ps. good news! I've lost even more weight! Now down to 139.4 -- a total loss of 13.4 lbs! At least five more to go... but I'm already feeling extra confident and fabulous!


Anonymous said...

Timing question:
If you didn't sleep with this guy because you were about to get your period, then you did have it when you slept with him a few days later. Right? Please clarify.

PS. I am also a cougar, though when I ask people if they can tell whether I am older than my husband they always say no. I don't know whether they are lying.


Loverville said...

Hi PT!

My period is a bit crazy right now -- it only lasts two days. Two solid, crazy, gushing, horror-film days, but then it's done.

Just curious, how old are you, and how old is the hubby?

I forgot to write: Hot Euro was shocked when I told him my age (41) -- he had assumed I was about 30. Always nice to hear that. :)

Anonymous said...

He just f___d and then dropped you. Who cares what he said afterwards, they were just excuses. it is irrelevant whether he emailed you or not or what he said when he did.

Dating Trooper said...

First of all, thanks for the kind shout out :-)

Second, don't listen to the last anonymous commenter. If his apology made you feel better, it made you feel better. Who gives a crap why or if it really changes anything. That's the beauty of a fling (especially one with thousands of miles of distance), it is whatever you decide it is because there's no one around to refute your story. Basically, it's a living fantasy, and sounds like you lived it!! Jealous.

I totally get why you were mad though. What's so infuriating about guys in these casual sex scenarios is that they think if they use any form of common courtesy (like texting you back, even if it's just to say 'thanks, but I'm done now') is somehow going to make you think they want to marry you or something.

Women like closure and common courtesy. Men like to avoid any potential for awkward scenarios. Cowards...which is why confidence is one of my dealbreakers, as you already said.

Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you, though I'm working hard at adding some sex to my 'loser dating' column :-)

Anonymous said...

Husb: 36. Me: 15 years older.

The main way this difference manifests itself is in the TV shows we remember from our childhood and certain news events that I remember but he doesn't, like the moon landing. And technology stuff: like, he had an answering machine as a high schooler and I didn't.


Anonymous said...

Dating Trooper-it's not hard to get laid, it is not really a fantasy. Men will sleep with anything, I think we know that. If that is something that makes LV feel good..well then I feel sorry for her. I think what that guy did is matter what he said in a meaningless email. He obviously did not care even a little bit about her, she was just an easy lay. I think it is gross and she said be tested for VD...she seems to be quite promiscuous.

Loverville said...

Just getting caught up here...

DT, thanks -- it truly was a fabulous time!

Anon: I don't know what your sexual / men hangups are, but I get the impression that you're buying into the puritanical idea that women are delicate little flowers, and shouldn't enjoy sex, but men can shtup whenever / whomever they like.

I'm an adult who practices safe, consensual sex -- and if it happens to be with the equivalent of a vacation fling, so be it. No regrets.

And thanks for your concern, but I do get tested for STDs on a regular basis -- all clear! But nice of you to worry. :)

Mendoza Line said...

Canoodling. I'd say you were canoodling. Especially since you were in Europe.

Anonymous said...

LV: No I actually think the guy is gross too. If you thought it was a fling, why did you get upset? I think you just use these flings to validate yourself which is dangerous. You don't feel great about yourself and your weight and you have empty sex to fill a void in your life. And that is sad because you are not getting satisfaction and your feelings get hurt when these guys discard you. If these were flings, I would say " Go at it girl, have fun". I sense it is not that at all because you get hurt (you yourself said you could not let it go.. that does not sound like a fling).. and it just feels sad.

Anonymous said...

Anon of Oct 24: you're pathetic.
I know L'ville, and oy are you wrong!
- Mimi

Anonymous said...

Mimi-what is pathetic..because I am expressing my opinion from an objective perspective? I am not sure I get your comment. It just sounds sad to me that Loverville was ignored and discarded like that. It also is sad that she was upset about it. It is also sad that this guy's e-mail response meant anything and had the power to dampen or lift her spirits. I read this blog and it seems like such a sad life.

Loverville said...

ML: ha, canoodling always makes me think of Page Six in the NY Post!

Mimi, thanks for your kind words!

Anon: of course, you're entitled to your opinion -- I can assure you, I live a very happy, fulfilled life which is so much more than I write about here.

As far as being initially disappointed by the way Hot Euro ended things -- hey, I'd also be upset if a friend canceled dinner plans that I was looking forward to, but I'd get over that as well.

Not sure how you got the impression that I don't "feel great about myself because of my weight" -- didn't you read the last line? I'm close to goal weight, and feel pretty awesome!

Overall -- all good here, but thanks for your concern.