Friday, November 23, 2012

Bumps and Thanksgiving.

This rough patch that Sam and I have been going through hasn't been easy -- but in a crazy way, it seems to have brought us even closer together.    I know there's some wise adage out there about adversity making you stronger, yadda yadda -- yes, that.    

To sum up:  we're still going strong, and I remain optimistic about "us".    I really think we're going to be fine -- better than fine, actually.    Despite the bumps, this is still probably my happiest, strongest (and sexiest) relationship ever.  

We hit another milestone!   He spent Thanksgiving with my family yesterday (he had met my mom, stepfather and one sister in the past, but not the rest of the family) -- we had a blast.   Funny... he sometimes teases me for being a bit loud -- til he discovered that I'm nearly mute compared to the rest of my family!   

We just hit the 11-month mark, and are planning a fun NYC stay-cation to mark our year anniversary next month.    Now taking suggestions for fabulous, fun NYC activities!   (no Rockefeller Christmas tree though, or anything like that -- this time of year, I'll do whatever it takes to avoid crowds and tourists).    Thanks!   


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Stomach = ball of knots.

Just recently, an overseas friend noted that I hadn't updated the blog in a while, adding, "I hope this means things are going really well!"   (with Sam)

I wrote back that things were indeed pretty great, and planned to update the blog with that.   We had just passed the ten-month point.   It was clear that he loved me, and I loved him -- and we told each other so frequently.    Sure, we had our little challenges, but we always managed to talk about them, address them, work on them.    In general, I was "feeling the love", and felt really happy and lucky.  

Until shit came tumbling down yesterday.   

I'm not prepared to go into details right now, and I suspect that will remain the case.   Let's just say this is by far the toughest thing we've gone through together.    Only time will tell if we can mend this.    I hope so.   We'll see.  

*****
Two other things:
1.   Go vote.  
2.   Please donate money or time to any of the many Sandy-related causes.    It's really bad out there.   Heartbreaking.  






Thursday, June 21, 2012

Still quite awesome.

It's been a busy few months.   I've been much busier than usual with work, and just haven't had the time to think about writing here.  

What can I say?   Things are just really, really awesome with Sam.   He's sexy... he's communicative... he's thoughtful.    We just passed the six-month mark -- a huge milestone, especially when it comes to NYC dating!

Other milestones:  we've now traveled to two other countries together -- he met me in Italy while I was there for work -- a quick, activity-filled 36 hour visit.   (he was coming from a work trip in London, so it was a relatively short flight for him to see me there)

And last weekend, we had more of a "real" first weekend away together - he was back in London for work for the week, and I flew over to spend a long weekend with him there.    He used to live there, and I really enjoyed letting him take the reins in terms of planning where we should eat and drink.

(as an aside -- oh my -- and drink we did!   Long story short:  jetlag + gin and tonics + rose + Aperol spritzers + champagne + espresso martinis = one bad, messy combination.  Yes -- all that in one night.   Oh -- and cigarettes.   Neither of us are smokers, but on Friday night, it seemed like a good idea.    Epic hangover the next day.)  

It's kind of crazy -- I feel, in a strange physical way, how we're getting emotionally closer.   And I don't mean in a sexual sense (though that's still fabulous).    I guess what I'm trying to say is...  I've been feeling the "L" word dance around my head.    I'm not ready to say it yet -- and anyway, would prefer for him to put it out there first.    But -- so unlike me! -- I'm not stressed about it at all.   I feel pretty confident that it's imminent -- I just feel that we have a really good thing going here, and it's just going to continue getting better.

That's all.   I'm giddy and happy and find that I miss him when I'm not with him.  

Is it silly that I feel a bit guilty talking about him to my single friends who are having a tough time with the dating scene?   More on that next time...






Sunday, April 8, 2012

My boyfriend, Sam.

I'm so behind in updating the blog that it almost feels silly to make a note of Sam being "upgraded" to boyfriend status. The terminology came up a few weeks ago, and now I simply take it for granted.

However, it was a lovely moment when the reference first came up: Sam and I were at a party, and we were chatting with this guy I knew in passing. I introduced him to Sam, and the guy asked, "So, are you the boyfriend?". Sam looked at me, and said, "well, I guess I am, right?". I smiled and said that, yes, it felt that way. I was also impressed, when asked by this same guy, that Sam knew that we'd been dating about three months at that point. (that one is rather easy - our first date was the week before Christmas)

Things continue to be really fun and easy. One challenge has been that we're both traveling a lot for work these days -- but finally, a perk there! Later this month, he's going to meet up with me in Italy during my work trip there. It'll only be for two days, and I may have to do some work during that time -- but hey, it's Italy. I'm sure we'll have a fabulous time, even if we have just one great meal and some hot Italian sex. (** by "Italian sex" I mean sex in Italy, not sex with Italians)

Another milestone: yesterday was his birthday. I thought about this for weeks -- what to do for a guy when a relationship is this new? I've gone overboard before, and didn't want to make that mistake again.

I found the perfect balance, and he left my place this morning seeming like a very happy man indeed: I first surprised him by taking him to the cocktail bar where we'd had our first date. Then to a kick-ass dinner in a restaurant where I knew the chef -- and the food wasn't too heavy. (didn't want to potentially have a situation where sexytime would be interrupted by mad dashes to the bathroom!). Then back to my place for more wine, and I gave him a few small presents: sexy dice, a gift certificate for a massage. Followed by (of course) some awesome sexytime.

This may be saying something: in the past, most of my really fun, mindblowing sex has been in fling situations, or "friends with benefits" deals. (see: Smiley) Unfortunately, when I'm in a relationship, my pattern has been that the sex has been, well, meh.

Until now. It continues to be amazing with Sam -- by far, the best relationship sex I've ever had. I haven't shared the blog with him yet, but I have a feeling he'd be pretty happy to read that. :)

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Live and learn.

Last time, I wrote about dating overlap with a friend – I had to dig through some old notes to remember details about Captain Awesome, from two years ago. I don’t read through these notes all that often, so it was a real eye-opener. I went back to the 2009 notes, then way back to ’05.

Not just my blog notes – I keep a diary of sorts on my computer, with far more intimate info than I’m ever prepared to share here.

Something I learned about myself – re-reading some of these older notes, I can see a HUGE difference in my attitude towards dating between now and, say, six or seven years ago. In the past, if I had a great time on a date, but didn’t hear from the guy again, I’d get really worked up about it, wonder what went wrong, and would do my best to get that second date. I pursued them the way I pursued my career: I thought being tenacious would be a good thing.

Now? Feh. If I have a first date that seems fun, but don’t hear from the guy again? There’s my answer – he’s not interested. End of story – onward. Life’s too short to worry about a guy who isn’t interested in me. Sure, I wish I’d grasped this much earlier, but better late than never, eh? Older and wiser, and all that. Maybe I'm more confident now, or maybe I'm just a lot more comfortable with single-ness.

(as an aside – most of these guys – especially the one-off dates from 2005-ish – I barely remember. However, several are still acquaintances, and I have become rather good friends with a few of them.**)

** Sidenote: really nice story here. I met Sexy Dork in 2007 – after a few dates, I realized I wasn’t feeling “the” chemistry, and was honest with him – we stayed in touch as casual acquaintances, going on group bike rides, that sort of thing.

Last year, I posted some pics on Facebook from my beach house – Sexy Dork wrote to me asking if that was “Jane” in one of the pics – he’d dated her briefly earlier in the summer, but ended it to date someone else (apparently, he ended it with her in the most respectful, honest way possible).

As chance would have it – he’d just stopped dating that other person. I mentioned to Jane that we had this mutual contact – and she perked up somewhat when I said that he was no longer dating that other woman. She said that if he were to initiate contact, she’d consider going out with him again. I may have hinted as much to him – and he was pleasantly surprised to hear that.

Long story short – they’ve been dating ever since, something like seven months – and seem very happy together. I’m so happy to have played a part in rekindling that flame!

Speaking of flame – I’ve been out of town the past two weeks, and am very excited to see Sam again tomorrow night. We emailed every day, occasionally sending pics of what we were up to. (he had organized a trip to visit some family to coincide with the timing of my work trip – very thoughtful).

I’m a huge planner (but have learned to curb that when it comes to dating), so it warmed my heart when he emailed the other day asking what my availability was for the next week, as he was free X day and X day, and did I want to go to some particular event with him?

All good and smiley here – that is all. ☺

Monday, February 20, 2012

Big city, small world.

Over two years ago I dated this guy I blog-named Captain Awesome. We had a nice enough time -- 10 dates over a period of a month -- but it just didn't have the makings of a great romance, and things ended amicably.

The other night, my friend Q and I were comparing dating stories. She mentioned that she'd recently had four dates with some guy, but found him to be a bit whiny and negative -- for the sake of the story, she said his first name was "Captain".

I can't recall what made me ask his last name -- when I did, I was surprised to hear her say "Awesome". The very same Captain Awesome -- she met him on a dating site, as I did.

My first thought: wait! Didn't you meet him at my birthday party that year? Oh right -- she was out of the country and couldn't make it to the party.

Also, funnily enough -- I nearly brought him to one of her parties that year, but didn't in the end. Can't recall why -- could have been because she didn't have room for additional guests, or maybe simply because I felt that things were coming to an end, so I decided against it.

We wondered if we'd had any other dating overlap? So I dug through my notes...

... more on that next time!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A first!

Things continue to go really well with Sam -- it's pretty safe to say that I'm a smitten kitten.

This week:
* I met a few of his friends at a house party -- I liked them, and got the impression that they liked me as well.

* we spent Valentine's Day together. Neither of us are into the cheesy, commercial side of this Hallmark holiday, but still thought it would be nice to just do *something* together. So we cooked dinner together. While the pasta sauce simmered, we had amazing sex, then had a fantastic dinner in our underwear. Possibly my most fun Valentine's day ever.

AND -- this is big. This is a first -- something I've never, ever done with another guy before...

I told him about the blog.

We've already been very, very open about our past dating history, including relationships, flings, marriages (we've both been married -- mine lasted about five minutes, his lasted about ten years).

Over dinner last night, we were talking about some of his dating adventures while he lived in Europe, and he mentioned that he considered publishing them somewhere -- maybe in a blog.

I started to talk about getting people to read your blog, commenting / linking to others -- and simply said: well, I know about this because I have one of my own -- a dating blog that I've been keeping for years (actually, next week will be five years -- wow!).

He was intrigued -- he wanted to know if it was completely anonymous -- yes. He wanted to know if I'd written about him -- of course. I even told him that his blog name was Sam, for Simply Awesome Man. He got a kick out of that.

He said he'd love to read it some day, but only when I felt ready. I said I'd keep him posted. He said he'd resist the temptation to Google any search terms to find it. (although! A friend pointed out that when you Google "Sam" with "simply awesome man", it's the very first link! Eh, I'm not worried).

Today, I reread a bunch of recent entries with him in mind, trying to assess if there was anything I'd be nervous about him reading. And I couldn't find anything. I've actually told him a lot of these stories (eg, the Euro fling back in October) - we've acknowledged that naturally, we've both had lives before meeting each other, and part of those lives involved dating.

So -- all still very, very good. Alas -- I'm going to miss him -- he's heading out of town for a business trip for a week, but we're already planning to come up with something "debaucherous and fun" (his words) for next weekend. After that, I'm heading out of town for 12 days, but let's not think about that just yet...

Next time: how I discovered some dating overlap with a past guy with my good friend Q!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

"Sam"

Thanks for all your suggestions on the New Guy's blog name! I'm going to go with a variation on Bella's suggestion and go with "Sam": Simply Awesome Man.

Things continue to go really well with Sam -- actually, we've had a few minor milestones of late:

One: I saw that he had taken his dating profile down, so I took mine down as well.

Two: I brought him to a friend's birthday party - my first time introducing him to any friends. We didn't stay at the party very long, as I was getting over a cold -- but he definitely held his own.

Three: We established that we're not dating anyone else. I had the feeling this was already the case, but it was nice to have it confirmed. It came up semi-organically: he had mentioned someone he was dating last year who was about ten years younger -- it came up that she wanted children, and he didn't (he already has kids), so the woman said she was going to start dating other people. (they stopped seeing each other soon after) (*note: this actually came up early on, maybe date two, that he doesn't want any more kids, and I don't want kids, period -- so we already knew where the other stood)

I said to him, "well -- since you've brought it up -- speaking of dating other people -- are you?". He said he hadn't been with anyone else since we met. It wasn't exactly a grand declaration of his feelings for me, but at this early time (11 dates in), I'm happy with it. He mentioned that he had actually taken his profile down -- I smiled and said that I had seen that, and took mine down as well. We had a lovely, close hug.

I recently re-read past posts of guys I'd dated the past few years - there's a recurring theme: any red flags I spotted early on were usually a factor in our breakup later on.

Truthfully -- I'm not feeling any red flags with Sam -- trust me, I've looked! One thing that might be a bit challenging: he's in the process of getting a new job, and it may involve some travel. Well - my job involves travel, so I'm really not one to complain about that.

As of now -- all is really good. As in, I'm-sitting-here-right-now-smiling-about-him good.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Yet another long-overdue update... this one with good news!

When I last wrote, Dec 14, I wrote that I had three dates lined up for the following week.

I'm happy to report some positive news: one of those guys is still in the picture, a month and a half later. Not only that -- I'm liking him more and more, and (wow!) seems the feeling is mutual.

Before I get to my giddy news -- I'll fill you in on some of those other December guys:

Guy #172: (the one who kissed me the way a pelican might try to swallow a huge dolphin): he actually wrote to me a week or so later, saying he'd had a really nice time, but had been on a few dates with somone else, and wanted to see where it would go. I graciously replied that I understood, and wished him the very best.

#207: 8 or so years my junior, seemed fun and interesting. On our first date, we had wonderful, pricey cocktails, then street truck tacos -- my idea of a good night. Wound up smooching in a Chase bank vestibule. Made plans for the following week -- and he called to cancel two hours prior, saying he wasn't feeling well. Never heard back from him again -- just as well.

Then there was My Current Awesome Guy (#206) -- will come up with an appropriate blog name soon.

On the first date, we had a nice enough time. Good kissing, good conversation -- but I've had enough of those on first dates to know that that doesn't guarantee a second.

He emailed the next day to say he'd had a really nice time. We went out again the following week. And again shortly after that.

Fast-forward -- we've now been out nine (9) times. Yes, I keep track of these things. And he's just plain awesome. Cute, smart, thoughtful. When I was out of town for two weeks at one point, he continually stayed in touch -- even on days when he knew I wouldn't have email access, just so I'd have his notes to come back to.

Last week, I was feeling under the weather on a night we had plans -- he brought me red tulips (my favorite), and we had a low-key night, skipping the party we'd planned to go to.

I've sometimes dated guys in the past who I felt weren't really right for me because I felt that I "should" try to like them -- they were nice guys who deserved a shot, but in the end, I had to admit to myself that I just wasn't feeling it.

There's no "try" with this one - I just plain like him. It feels really good – and really easy – and really promising. No angst. No worries that I’m trying to like him because I “should”. I just do. A lot. And the fact that the feeling seems mutual makes it all the better.

More to come! Wish me luck in the meantime... this weekend, we're going to meet a few of each others friends for the first time...!

And if you have an appropriate blog name for this awesome guy -- well, I'm open to suggestions!