Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Spring fling.

I mentioned a guy last time -- #214 -- and wrote that he seemed promising.    Update: we had a second date, and he just didn't seem as warm and friendly as he did the first time -- put simply, he just didn't seem like he was having a good time with me.    Not surprising, I never heard from him after that.   I was slightly disappointed, but meh... onward!  

There have been a few other dates -- some high / low lights:  
* there was the date that was my "second shift" plan for the evening, after a big dinner with nine friends.    I drank wayyyy too much at that dinner -- not only was I a bit drunk for my 10 pm date, but I had lost my voice.   Not the best first impression!    (however, I was sober enough to realize that I wasn't into the guy anyway)   Still, good lesson to learn -- don't overschedule.   
* a date with Smooch - in the past, we'd had a few casual dates between 2009 and 2011.   No great romance there, but he's a fun time.    
* a date with the Young Brazilian (a second date is planned for this weekend).   He's seven years my junior.   A few days after our first date, I literally ran past him on the street while I was out with my running club.   We each did a double-take, and said a quick "hi", and I had to keep going.   So -- now he's seen me without makeup.   I'm hoping I was running too quickly for him to really notice!    

Still feeling very non-committal at the moment.   Keeping things light and fun.  Spring is in the air, and I'm getting very, very excited for cute summer dresses and strappy sandals.  

My main focus for the moment is my VERY FIRST half-marathon coming up -- just two weeks away!    Hope I don't lose any toenails before then!   

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Back "out there"

It’s been nearly two months since my breakup with Sam.     I do still miss him quite a bit, but have (mostly) been good at shelving those feelings.   We occasionally exchange a cordial email, and every time I hear his email “voice”, it’s a reminder of the good times, and the things I liked (and loved) about him.    As a result, I try to keep exchanges to a minimum.   
In what was probably a band-aid move (or an ego boost), I got back into online dating a few weeks after we broke up.   I’ve mostly met some perfectly nice guys with whom I’ve felt no real chemistry.    
There was also one promising first date just the other day, but I won’t allow myself to get too excited this early (though the second date is on tap for tomorrow night).   For future reference, I'll call him 214 for now -- he's the 214th guy I've gone out with since I started keeping track of these numbers in 2005.  
And – in typical online dating style – I’ve come across the usual crazies.   I had a first date planned for the other night – “Tom” seemed normal enough via early OKC email.    I had a very busy week, so I suggested getting together later Tuesday evening, following a work-related party.  
That morning, I wrote to ask him if we could reschedule – I was concerned that the party might go late, and I didn’t want to miss out on a potentially good networking opportunity.    I also offered a few other nights for rescheduling.  (I know -- potentially bad form on my part to cancel same day -- but I was especially apologetic, and had a good excuse).  
He wrote back: best of luck with the shmooze, I hope it gets you what you want.
A bit snarky, but OK…    He later asked how the party went.   After a few exchanges by text, I asked for his email address, since I found it a bit easier to communicate that way.   He obliged.  
The next day, he texted me: maybe I'll find a woman with follow thru soon... 
This was about 18 hours after our previous communication.   
I wrote back that I’d been busy, but that that was probably a better option for him, and wished him the best of luck.      Dodged a bullet there.  I much prefer to suss out that a guy is a dillhole by email or text, than waste an evening out discovering same.   
Welcome back to NYC online dating!   

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


Breakups suck.

After 14 months of dating, Sam and I broke up this past weekend after struggling for the past few months.   I don't have the energy or inclination to go into details, but put simply:  we're at very different places in our lives.   He's in the midst of a divorce, with 3 young kids, and knows for sure that he doesn't want to get married again.    I could go either way as far as marriage, but I DO know that I want to live with someone -- I'd really like someone to come home to.    And he's not sure when / if he can offer that.

There's so much more, but I'll leave it at that.     Terrible roller coaster at the moment:  one minute, I'm feeling relieved not to be feeling the frustration I've been carrying the past few months.    The next minute, I'm sobbing in my office with my back to the door, hoping no one comes in.

I feel no desire whatsoever to jump back on the online dating bandwagon just yet.   Need to give time time.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Bumps and Thanksgiving.

This rough patch that Sam and I have been going through hasn't been easy -- but in a crazy way, it seems to have brought us even closer together.    I know there's some wise adage out there about adversity making you stronger, yadda yadda -- yes, that.    

To sum up:  we're still going strong, and I remain optimistic about "us".    I really think we're going to be fine -- better than fine, actually.    Despite the bumps, this is still probably my happiest, strongest (and sexiest) relationship ever.  

We hit another milestone!   He spent Thanksgiving with my family yesterday (he had met my mom, stepfather and one sister in the past, but not the rest of the family) -- we had a blast.   Funny... he sometimes teases me for being a bit loud -- til he discovered that I'm nearly mute compared to the rest of my family!   

We just hit the 11-month mark, and are planning a fun NYC stay-cation to mark our year anniversary next month.    Now taking suggestions for fabulous, fun NYC activities!   (no Rockefeller Christmas tree though, or anything like that -- this time of year, I'll do whatever it takes to avoid crowds and tourists).    Thanks!   

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Stomach = ball of knots.

Just recently, an overseas friend noted that I hadn't updated the blog in a while, adding, "I hope this means things are going really well!"   (with Sam)

I wrote back that things were indeed pretty great, and planned to update the blog with that.   We had just passed the ten-month point.   It was clear that he loved me, and I loved him -- and we told each other so frequently.    Sure, we had our little challenges, but we always managed to talk about them, address them, work on them.    In general, I was "feeling the love", and felt really happy and lucky.  

Until shit came tumbling down yesterday.   

I'm not prepared to go into details right now, and I suspect that will remain the case.   Let's just say this is by far the toughest thing we've gone through together.    Only time will tell if we can mend this.    I hope so.   We'll see.  

Two other things:
1.   Go vote.  
2.   Please donate money or time to any of the many Sandy-related causes.    It's really bad out there.   Heartbreaking.  

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Still quite awesome.

It's been a busy few months.   I've been much busier than usual with work, and just haven't had the time to think about writing here.  

What can I say?   Things are just really, really awesome with Sam.   He's sexy... he's communicative... he's thoughtful.    We just passed the six-month mark -- a huge milestone, especially when it comes to NYC dating!

Other milestones:  we've now traveled to two other countries together -- he met me in Italy while I was there for work -- a quick, activity-filled 36 hour visit.   (he was coming from a work trip in London, so it was a relatively short flight for him to see me there)

And last weekend, we had more of a "real" first weekend away together - he was back in London for work for the week, and I flew over to spend a long weekend with him there.    He used to live there, and I really enjoyed letting him take the reins in terms of planning where we should eat and drink.

(as an aside -- oh my -- and drink we did!   Long story short:  jetlag + gin and tonics + rose + Aperol spritzers + champagne + espresso martinis = one bad, messy combination.  Yes -- all that in one night.   Oh -- and cigarettes.   Neither of us are smokers, but on Friday night, it seemed like a good idea.    Epic hangover the next day.)  

It's kind of crazy -- I feel, in a strange physical way, how we're getting emotionally closer.   And I don't mean in a sexual sense (though that's still fabulous).    I guess what I'm trying to say is...  I've been feeling the "L" word dance around my head.    I'm not ready to say it yet -- and anyway, would prefer for him to put it out there first.    But -- so unlike me! -- I'm not stressed about it at all.   I feel pretty confident that it's imminent -- I just feel that we have a really good thing going here, and it's just going to continue getting better.

That's all.   I'm giddy and happy and find that I miss him when I'm not with him.  

Is it silly that I feel a bit guilty talking about him to my single friends who are having a tough time with the dating scene?   More on that next time...

Sunday, April 8, 2012

My boyfriend, Sam.

I'm so behind in updating the blog that it almost feels silly to make a note of Sam being "upgraded" to boyfriend status. The terminology came up a few weeks ago, and now I simply take it for granted.

However, it was a lovely moment when the reference first came up: Sam and I were at a party, and we were chatting with this guy I knew in passing. I introduced him to Sam, and the guy asked, "So, are you the boyfriend?". Sam looked at me, and said, "well, I guess I am, right?". I smiled and said that, yes, it felt that way. I was also impressed, when asked by this same guy, that Sam knew that we'd been dating about three months at that point. (that one is rather easy - our first date was the week before Christmas)

Things continue to be really fun and easy. One challenge has been that we're both traveling a lot for work these days -- but finally, a perk there! Later this month, he's going to meet up with me in Italy during my work trip there. It'll only be for two days, and I may have to do some work during that time -- but hey, it's Italy. I'm sure we'll have a fabulous time, even if we have just one great meal and some hot Italian sex. (** by "Italian sex" I mean sex in Italy, not sex with Italians)

Another milestone: yesterday was his birthday. I thought about this for weeks -- what to do for a guy when a relationship is this new? I've gone overboard before, and didn't want to make that mistake again.

I found the perfect balance, and he left my place this morning seeming like a very happy man indeed: I first surprised him by taking him to the cocktail bar where we'd had our first date. Then to a kick-ass dinner in a restaurant where I knew the chef -- and the food wasn't too heavy. (didn't want to potentially have a situation where sexytime would be interrupted by mad dashes to the bathroom!). Then back to my place for more wine, and I gave him a few small presents: sexy dice, a gift certificate for a massage. Followed by (of course) some awesome sexytime.

This may be saying something: in the past, most of my really fun, mindblowing sex has been in fling situations, or "friends with benefits" deals. (see: Smiley) Unfortunately, when I'm in a relationship, my pattern has been that the sex has been, well, meh.

Until now. It continues to be amazing with Sam -- by far, the best relationship sex I've ever had. I haven't shared the blog with him yet, but I have a feeling he'd be pretty happy to read that. :)